


A Caelo Usque ad Centrum

by Saklani



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-21 15:00:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2472452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saklani/pseuds/Saklani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James T. Kirk has kept his friends alive for years in the wreck of the Enterprise, with the help of his lover, John Harrison.  But when the Empire attacks, Jim learns a painful truth about his lover that stains their relationship, even though things are looking up now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Caelo Usque ad Centrum

"What the fuck is this, John?" Jim Kirk demands, as he storms into the man's Ready Room, fixing him with a glare, as he tugs himself free of the grip his escorts have on his biceps. He'd thought, once upon a time, that John Harrison was a friend. Back down on Earth, in the ruins of the Enterprise, where he'd been keeping the Empire at bay with his ragtag crew and nothing more than scrap and ingenuity, Jim had thought John was one of them. A rebel, a survivor; somebody not satisfied with the way things had become ever since the Empire took over with fear, strength, lies, and deceit. 

John had come into Jim's life weak and shy and needing somewhere to belong, and Jim had foolishly believed in him. He'd taken him under his wing and welcomed him to share their warmth and food and camaraderie, as meager as it was. In the heat of battle against the Empire, though, when the Imperial ground troops descended on them and had somehow known how to punch through the multitude of jury-rigged defenses they'd set up in and around the ruins of the Enterprise, Jim had known there was a mole. 

Jim had thought he'd had a friend. A lover. Oh, how wrong he was, and 26 of his crew had paid with their lives. 

"I regret that so many of your group were killed in the attack, Captain," Khan Noonien Singh says, calm in the face of this anger. He knows well that he deserves no little of the human's fury and will bear it with with the grace that he can. "There was no way around the final attack, in the end, but I had hoped that more might survive than did. We destroyed the remains of the Enterprise prior to departing from Earth, so they have been honored in the only way possible." He spares a moment to regret the loss of that ship, too, which never got to be the beautiful space-going vessel she was designed to be. The Vengeance is more powerful and faster, yes, but lacks the sheer, sleek elegance of the Enterprise's design. It was yet another waste.

One more in the endless sea of waste the Empire makes out of everything.

Khan is tired of waste.

"There is much to tell you, Captain. Will you not take a seat, so I may speak to you in a more civilized fashion?" he asks, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk. "I would also offer you a something to drink and eat. I realize it has been a long time since you've had regular meals of any quality." He folds his hands and waits for Jim's response, certain it will not be of a calm variety.

Jim makes a sound of intense dislike, something born of the betrayal he's feeling right now, guttural and angry. He completely ignores the offer to sit and instead stomps his way to Khan's desk and slams his hands down on it, leaning forward in an intimidating manner. "There's nothing about this that's civilized. You led the Empire to my doorstep and got half of my crew killed, despite the friendship we've shown you. I don't want your food or your drink, you bastard!" He grits his teeth, hands curling into fists where they're pressed against the desktop, and he glares at the brunet. "You're not even human, are you?" 

"I am an augment," Khan says, cool in the face of the anger and dislike. He refuses to flinch at hearing himself, his crew, referred to as inhuman, even though the words scorch him every time. 

Were their building blocks not human? Did they not possess the same DNA, however bolstered? But from the beginning, all humans regarded them as 'others,' unwanted in the mainstream of society. As if any of them had chosen to be born from an experiment, rather than from parents.

But Jim Kirk's anger came from other things, so Khan pushes the hurt away without letting a flicker of emotion show in his expression.

"My name is Khan Noonien Singh. I am the captain of this vessel, the Vengeance, which contains the remaining twenty or so of my people still in the Empire's hands. Some months ago, the Empire decided in its infinite wisdom that I was of better used to them hunting down insurgents on Earth, most particularly those remaining from Starfleet. I saw a chance to escape their grasp with the rest of my crew, for good."

"I infiltrated your group, yes, and sent the Empire information, hoping that ultimately, they would send the Vengeance to deal with you. At that time, I planned to make my escape with my people. It was not the best plan I have ever devised, but it would have to suffice, for the Empire had grown suspicious and wary of us all, and the window of opportunity was closing."

He looks into Jim's eyes more intensely. "However, I found your people much more worthy of their lives than any in the Empire's. I reversed my course insomuch that I fed the Empire some incorrect information in an attempt to save as many as I could."

Most importantly and especially the man in front of him- James Tiberius Kirk. How terrible it would have been to snuff out the life of one so magnificent and brilliant? And if Khan had taken some small taste of a man who would one day gaze at him with this hatred, well, he would at least have that to hold on to. Loneliness is not a foreign concept to Khan, and anything that helps ease its grasp is seized and cherished, for as long as possible.

But that, too, will remain unspoken. Jim will make his own choices, and Khan will not reveal his weaknesses so.

Jim's laugh is bitter, and he turns his face away, like he can't even stand to look at Khan right now. He'd shared a bed with this man once, seduced by the lie he'd weaved. How could he have been so stupid? "Why should I believe you? You've kept me and my crew in cells like the captives we are. You lied to me about who you were for nearly a year and I considered you a friend, and now you want me to believe this sob story you've cooked up? You get off on fucking with my head, don't you?"

Jim shifts his gaze back, staring at the Augment askance. "Khan Noonien Singh. I know who you are. I've heard of you and your crew and the things you did. You can't just bat me around like a chew toy anymore, so if you're going to kill me, you might as well just try it. I dare you," the blond taunts, voice low and dangerous.

"I will gladly free your crew from their cells, if you promise not to try anything stupid, like seizing control of my ship," Khan says. "If I believed you would not sabotage everything under your hands and fight back with every inch of your anger, I could use your assistance with this ship. My crew is minimal and though the Vengeance can be flown by as few as one person, it is not recommended for any kind of period. Everything needs looking after and actual eyes are better than mechanical ones."

"But each of us would be kidding the other, Captain," he continues. "It is not in your nature to give up, and you will not trust me now, so every effort on your part would be to escape what you see as captivity and being handed over to the Empire. So, I have put you in the holding cells for the moment. I am having one of the Cargo Bays fixed so the remnants of your crew may be housed in one place together. That is the best I can do for now."

He does not answer the charges about himself or his people, nor the challenge to kill Jim. On the one hand, they are all true, and there is more death and destruction and blackness on Khan's hands and in his heart than bears thinking about now. Finding one's conscience is a terrible thing when one has been without for so long. 

The second shall never enter his mind. 

Jim knows Khan's assessment is true. He would try to take over this ship with the remnants of his crew and assure their safety by putting them far out of the reach and influence of the Empire, even as vast as that is. He would give anything to get them somewhere safe, the least of which would be his life. 

But the truth of the assessment also makes Jim bristle. It means Khan knows so much more about him and his personality and the way his mind works than Jim knows about him. Not that Jim is entirely in the dark: he knows he's dealing with a tyrant and a murderer, a deceitful, traitorous, back-stabbing scumbag. That's putting it mildly. There are so many curses and insults Jim wants to throw in Khan's direction, but he bites his tongue, willing himself to keep at least some of his composure and to not let Khan see the true depth of his hurt. "And when you meet up with the Empire's starbase, what then? You'll hand us over like cattle for slaughter. Don't pretend you're doing us a favor."

"We're not going back to the Empire," Khan says. "We are going to the Delta Quadrant, through a stable wormhole that is known only to the rebels who have used it to escape the clutch of the Empire. There is a colony there of my people, those we have managed to sneak out of the Empire so far. But we are but one of many. The rebels may not have the power of the Empire, but they are not so few or so weak as the Empire believes. And they have allowed us to colonize a planet, in exchange for the Vengeance. I will continue to captain her, alone, on missions in Empire space. Rebel missions."

He pauses and hopes Jim might take in some of that, accept even the barest piece of it. "The rebels will not turn you or your people away. They will welcome you without the reservations they have us. You may colonize with others on some of their other worlds or find a place on a ship...their need for help is high. And I know your crew and those of Starfleet who managed to reach the rebels will put in only the best references for you."

Jim takes all this with a grain of salt. He doubts anybody's even heard of him. Sure, he's had some brief communications with other rebel groups and thwarted the Empire's attempts to kill him and his crew again and again. He's also not sure he believes this whole story about a secret rebel civilization in the Delta Quadrant. It all sounds so far-fetched, and Jim's feeling incredibly disillusioned. He snorts quietly and shakes his head, standing up straight and folding his arms over his chest to put some form of meager barrier between himself and Joh--- Khan. "I'll believe it when I see it." 

"I would expect no less," Khan says. "Now that we have explanations done, I am certain that you have other requests for your crew. As I cannot let them go for the reasons already stated, we shall skip that particular one. However, I am willing to entertain any reasonable requests or even demands that you have on their behalf...and yours."

"Give them food and water and, for God's sake, let Bones have whatever medical supplies he requests," Jim states immediately, not willing to pass up this opportunity, despite his infamous stubbornness. "And give them entertainment. Board games, movies, music," he adds, knowing everyone is tense and that the distraction might help ease their anxiety somewhat. Just sitting in their cells and pacing isn't helping. 

"They have already had medical treatment, the same as you," Khan says, "but I will let Dr. McCoy look over them all, as you wish. The rest is easy enough and will be done." Would have been done already, but there are so few of them left and so much of a mess to clean up and so far to run. But the Vengeance is far from danger for the moment, so he has time at last for this. "Nothing more?"

Jim looks at him as if he wants to say something, but then his jaw clicks shut again and he shakes his head. That's all they need for now. They've had almost nothing for so long now that luxuries are foreign to them. 

"Very well. I shall have Joaquin escort you back, Captain," Khan says and rises slowly to his feet. He takes a few steps away, turning his back with no fear on Jim. "I know you do not believe me, but I did wish I could save them all. They were John's friends, even if they could never be Khan's." 

Jim grits his teeth. This only confirms to him that the man standing here is nothing like the man he might have liked just a little and that he was a fool for ever having dared open up to him in the first place. "Right," he hisses and turns on his heel, marching out of the room, unwilling to be escorted. He can find his way on his own, thank you very much.  
~~~~~~~~~~~

Khan finishes his tour of the modified Cargo Bay, made to house the survivors of Jim's group. Each person has her or his own small room, with bed and a few other items of furniture, which can be sealed to allow privacy. But the main space of the bay allows for the group to interact together in different ways. Meals, activities, even common sleeping areas, since Khan knows those can be a comfort to people as battered physically and emotionally as this band. 

He approves of the warm tones chosen by Lira, who understands these needs as well as anyone can. She is perhaps the most compassionate of the augments, the one whose empathy made her least suitable as a member of the Empire. Khan holds no little pride that she will survive to live in a place where her feelings will be taken into account at all times.

With a quick word to the computer and the augment watching over Jim's crew in the brig, the transporters are activated and all of them rematerialize in the Cargo Bay, scattered enough to be comfortable, but near enough to see each other. See that they are all there and safe.

Khan waves away Lira and moves himself to some distance, not wishing to intrude on these moments, but also wanting, needing, to be there. Khan is an augment and his crew is his family, but John was a human, and he learned to care for the people now in front of him. They will never think or care for him again in return, but he refuses to forswear his allegiance to them. So, this reunion is a balm for some wounds of his own.

Besides, there is always the practicality of answering any questions they may have now.

At first, there's a clamor of confusion, but after a quick headcount is done, there is quiet celebration in the reunion. Many people cling to each other, having not seen each other in a few days and worrying for each others' safety. After all they've been through, the bonds between them are now more strong than ever. 

Jim's first order of business is to make sure everyone is alright. He quickly checks to make sure they're not injured and that they've been fed and watered and he assures them all that everything's going to be okay. They'll make it through this. Things are getting better. 

And then Jim goes and finds Bones so he can wrap the man in a tight hug. He'd missed his doctor, nagging and all, and he doesn't doubt that Bones has missed him, too. He still hasn't even bothered looking over at the Augment he knows is standing off to the side. 

Bones gives Jim back the hug and then looks around at the group. "We're all here and accounted for," he says roughly. "Everyone's who made it. Do you know what the Hell is going on, Jim? John...or whoever he is- he let me examine everyone but you. We're all healthy, and the food's better than what we've had in months, but fuck it all, Jim, do you know where we're going?"

Other ears prick at the question, and faces turn to Jim, their leader even now. Nobody blames him for the Empire's attack. They all knew it was a matter of time, and Jim did more than anyone could ask. And they trust him still that whatever good can come of this will come from him, including being all together again this way.

Jim looks at Bones for a minute and then around at the others before he licks his lips and straightens his back, addressing them all, "I know it's been a tough ride so far. We've been kept in cells against our will, and we've lost a lot of our friends. We've lost the ship we called home for two and a half years, but we're not down for the count. We're here and we're together, and... we're headed for the Delta Quadrant, outside the influence of the Empire, so that we can join up with other factions of the resistance there." 

God, he doesn't know if he believes all of that yet, but he needs to give them hope for something. Plus... Khan's kept his promises up to this point, and if they were headed to the Imperial Starbase, they'd have reached it by now, which means they're going somewhere else, and hopefully that somewhere else is the Delta Quadrant.

Khan feels a quiet surge of his warmth in chest as Jim tells his crew that they are headed for the Delta Quadrant. Jim would never tell them something he believed was a lie, especially not something that gave them false hope. Their murmurs of hope and uncertainty reach his ears, and he wishes his words might convince them. If it were so, he would stride forward now and pledge on his life that he would not willingly lead them to harm. As it is, he leaves the reassurances to Jim.

"You really think so, Jim?" Bones asks his best friend quietly, not wanting his doubts to spread with the others. "I really want to think that we're through the roughest bits...but John did bring the Empire down on us. Why would he help us now?" His glance turns toward the man standing in the shadows just beyond the edge of their lighted new quarters.

Jim holds up his hand to stall Bones' question for now and he focuses on answering the questions of his crew as best as he can. He doesn't know everything, but he does whatever he can to give them some peace of mind for the time being. Once he's set them about picking rooms for themselves and getting settled in, he turns to Bones and pulls him off to the side so they can speak quietly. 

"I don't know," Jim finally answers in response to Bones' question. "He says he's got his people already in the Delta Quadrant and that the rebels there let the Augments establish a colony in exchange for him bringing them the Vengeance. He says he's going to be captaining it alone to carry out missions in Imperial territory. I don't know how much of it I believe, but I do think we're not going to the Imperial Starbase. We'd have been there by now if we were, and it's not like the Empire would have had him take us elsewhere, right?" 

Bones nods once and chews his lower lip. "None of us would have survived without him," he rumbles softly. "He killed most of the soldiers sent after us, not that we didn't take out a few ourselves. Still, why save us then if not for some other purpose?" He looks over his friend, eyes warm and caring, worried for how Jim is doing, especially since he knows Jim was close to John. "How are you doing with all of this? With him?"

Jim rubs at the back of his neck. "I really don't know, Bones. I'm still figuring things out. I'm still-- I don't know who he is anymore." The blond looks down at the floor, brows furrowed, but he doesn't allow that to last for long before he dons that Captain persona he's painstakingly crafted. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. There's other people here who need your attention." 

"And they have and will get it, Jim," Bones says, "but you're my responsibility and my friend, too. I get that you don't want to talk now, but I'm open whenever you're willing. Please don't make me ask you professionally." He glances at Khan again, a little unnerved at how the man just stands motionless, watching them all. "Are you going to talk to him now, Captain?" he asks, making that a question of protocol, not personally related at all.

Jim pats his faithful friend on the shoulder and then leans in to bump their foreheads together in a quiet gesture of gratefulness. If there's one thing he's still certain of, it's that Bones will never betray him. After a moment, he straightens back up and nods. "Yeah. He looks like a mannequin straight out of Uncanny Valley right now," the captain says as he looks over at the Augment. "I'll speak with him." And then Jim grabs his figurative balls and goes over to Khan to do just that, even if he's not sure what to say when he gets there. 

Khan watches Jim's interactions with his crew and then his closest friend, the good doctor. Their obvious affections stings somewhere tender, he ignores the wound as the other man finally approaches. His spine straightens even more, and he asks in a level tone, "Do you find your new quarters to your liking, Captain? If there is anything that has been neglected or is required, please do ask myself or Lira. We shall be several days more to our destination, and there is no need for discomfort."

"Drop the bullshit," Jim says simply, staring levelly right back at him. "I don't want fake formalities and meaningless pleasantries. I appreciate what you've done here, but don't think that makes things right between us." 

Khan's expression does not change, as he answers with the same tone, "Well, if you do not require anything then, I shall leave you to settle in. Lira will check in on you periodically, but otherwise, you will be left to your own devices until we reach our destination. She will inform you if anything of note occurs."

Jim narrows his eyes at him. "Yeah. Fine. That's great." He grits his teeth and wills himself not to look as hurt as he feels. He supposes this means that whatever they had is completely gone and Jim doesn't even truly know if he should be relieved or wounded. "Go on, then." 

Khan eases his posture a trifle and asks, "Is there some reason I should stay? There has been no indication that I would be welcome." He looks up at where the others are mingling, some of them now openly watching their captain interact with Khan. Many expressions are wary or worried. 

"Gee, I wonder why? You haven't come to talk to any of them since it turned out you were lying to us from the start," Jim replies, tone scathing. 

"Except for you," Khan reminds him gently. "Would you like me to face them then? To explain to them all, as I explained to you?" He looks across those faces, wishing for just a moment that he was John Harrison, instead of Khan Noonien Singh. But such thoughts are foolish and quick banished. 

"It would help. They don't know who you are. Right now, you're just some guy who's lied to them as much as the Empire has. If you don't talk to them, that's not going to get any better, even if you do take us to the Delta Quadrant," the blond points out. 

The thought that it would get any better between himself and the non-augments honestly never occurred to Khan, but he does not mind telling them the truth of things. He came prepared for that anyway. "As you wish, Captain." He moves toward the others, making himself as non-threatening as possible, while still being Khan, and not John.

Stopping some few yards from the group, who had regathered at the sense of something going on, he tells them all he has told Jim. He neither elaborates, nor skimps on the tale, but lays it all out for them. When he finishes, there is a moment's silence.

And then the questions begin, anger and betrayal behind most of them, with perhaps a hint of sadness. 

The crew of the lost Enterprise shows no mercy, and Khan asks for none. He gives them all the answers he has and leaves the questions for which he has none to hang heavily in the air. Eventually, there are no more questions or words, and the silence falls again.

Jim steps up at that point to ease the tension and he tells them that he knows things aren't going to go back to normal -- they haven't been normal in a long, long time -- but at least they have a chance, and Khan has provided that for them. 

Eventually, the crew disperses into little groups, chatting and whispering trying to figure out their future and what to believe. They do trust Jim, though, and that's something to get them through for now. 

Jim turns to look at Khan, giving him the slightest nod of approval. 

Expression smooth as ever, Khan inclines his head once to the other man, not wanting his approval in the moment. He feels wearier than ever, as if the weight of all he has done has settled more firmly on his chest, instead of lifting in the slightest. As if in speaking it aloud to the whole of them, he has made it more real to himself. Fuck, he really loathes the Empire right now. Dispersing his crew and Jim's to their destinations and taking this ship, made for death, out against them sounds most appealing. A few more days, and they will reach the wormhole. 

"Is there anything more, Captain?" he asks, duty not yet done here. 

"No. We can take care of ourselves." Jim doesn't even know how to start fixing this rift. There's such a coldness to John now that was never there before, and Jim has to remind himself that this is not John and he can't expect the same things from him. This is just some other man wearing John's face. 

Khan's mouth quirks a little at the edges, and he says, "That I am well aware of, Captain," with just a hint of warmth. "I did not speak my earlier words in formality only, however. You need only ask if there is something else you require or even wish." He pauses a fraction of a second and then shakes his head. "Forgive me. There was one thing more- Lira will provide you with what information we have on the rebels. It will perhaps be of some use to you."

"I'll be sure to get that from her, then," Jim replies carefully, unwilling to be lured by that slight smile. "I suppose I'll see you later, then. Or maybe not." He turns and heads back towards his crew so he can claim a room of his own and let his mind rest. 

Khan watches him go until he disappears into one of the rooms and then turns to leave the area behind. He keeps his spine straight and his pace even until he has exited from the sight of all, human and augment. And then for just a moment, he allows himself to slump ever so slightly and feel his years. But the moment is all, and he picks himself back up and heads for the bridge. There is yet much to do.  
~~~~~~~~~

Six hours after the encounter with the scout ship and the engine is still malfunctioning. It's not a critical injury; it's just difficult to fix, but that's why Jim and his crew have been called in. They've become experts at fixing things with nothing. Every single one of them has had to learn engineering to survive and that adds more than two dozen able-bodied engineers to the few Augments that have been spared for the task. 

All-in-all, Jim thinks they might be done with repairs in another three hours, provided nothing else spontaneously combusts. That's the problem with ships. They've all got a weak spot that takes just one lucky shot to set off a chain reaction. At least with the Vengeance, she's got enough back-up systems to mean they're not dead in the water, just unable to travel as quickly as they'd like, and right now, they'd really like to get the hell out of Dodge. 

Just as Jim is finishing replacing the fuses on the main console, he hears an alarmed shout and turns just in time to get blind-sided by a plume of flame from a burst valve. The force of it blasts him to the floor and stuns him, but over the ringing in his ears, he hears the sirens indicating that the system has disabled that particular pipeline due to the sudden pressure drop. The flames vanish as quickly as they appeared, leaving only tendrils of smoke wafting in their wake. 

"Ow," he groans, lifting himself up from the floor on his elbow, checking himself over. Well, he's lost some armhairs, but that seems to be the extent of the damage. He doesn't even have to change his pants. 

One of the augments, Vajresh, is by his side in an instant. "Be still, Captain," he says, looking over the human. He is not certain how badly the man is hurt. Humans are ridiculously fragile and do not heal the way augments do. Besides, despite his attempts to hide it, all of the crew know that Khan thinks well of this human, this Jim. That he has grown close to him during his time on Earth. Any injury to him also hurts Khan. So, Vajresh takes no chances. He calls Sickbay and Khan and informs them that Jim has been hurt and needs attention.

In a moment, the doors to Engineering open and Khan appears, holding a rather grumpy Dr. McCoy by one arm. He releases the human doctor, who he has practically carried all the way and tries to hang back, while still looking over Jim.

Bones sighs and heads over to his patient. "What the hell, Jim? Can't you go anywhere alone?"

Jim made every attempt to wave off the Augment and insist that he was fine, but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears. Since that point, he's picked himself off the floor and been arguing with Vajresh because the Augment doesn't want him to move around too much and Jim wants to keep working. That stops when Jim notices Bones, though, and he blinks at him. "What are you...?" he trails off, question unfinished, when he sees Khan. "Oh. Why's he here?"

Khan refuses himself another flinch at the words and leaves immediately, knowing now that Jim will be fine. He berates himself for his foolishness in flying in a panic to find Dr. McCoy and get him to Jim as fast as augmentedly possible. He should have known better. He comms up to the Bridge and informs Joaquin that he is finally going to get some rest. He has been up too long, that much is glaringly obvious.

Bones says, "Guess he just wanted to make sure I got here faster. As if I weren't hustling already. Now, hold still, infant. You've managed to burn yourself all over."

Jim frowns a little, watching Khan leave and wondering why the man was so worried. Was he worried? Why else would he haul Bones down here for such a minor thing? But then he also left right away, so that leaves Jim confused and uncertain of what it means. He shies away from Bones, not wanting to get stabbed with hyposprays. "I'm fine. I'm not burned. It was just a floof of fire. Very small." He holds his index finger and thumb a fraction of an inch apart. 

"Stop that," Bones scolds. "You could have your arm chopped off and insist it wasn't bad and you didn't need help. Fortunately, this is more aesthetically damaging than anything, but you're still a mess." He carefully administers a hypospray and then goes back to cleaning and treating burns.

Jim sighs. At least he knows he should be grateful that he didn't get mauled with that needle like he usually does. "Did he really drag you at mach speed all the way from Sickbay?" he asks after an unusual length of silence. 

"Yes, and he can move. I don't think my feet touched the ground more than once or twice," Bones mutters. "I saw him take out Empire soldiers like they were toys, but feeling his strength is another thing entirely." He puts some salve on one of the worst burns on Jim's arm. "Just another moment or two."

The blond barely even registers the treatment. His mind is completely elsewhere, focused on the task of deciphering this new clue. "I guess he thought I was really injured, huh?"

"To be fair, all we heard was explosion and your name," Bones says. "And we both know you like to get yourself banged up at a drop of the hat. Wasn't John...I mean Khan, there when you managed to fall through a faulty catwalk and give yourself a concussion?"

Jim actually cringes a little at the memory. Bones might as well have mentioned the name of a dead man. "Yeah. He was. He kept me calm even thought it felt like the room was spinning faster than the Earth." 

"With that on his mind, you can forgive him for jumping to conclusions and thinking you might have really done it this time," Bones says and steps back, looking over his work with approval. "There. Not quite good as new, but you can get back to work."

Jim surveys his arm and nods. "Thanks, Bones. It feels fine." He glances once more over at the lift Khan disappeared into and manages not to frown again. "How's your arm?"

Bones glances at his wrist and says, "He didn't hurt me. Damn well could have, but he knew exactly how to move so he didn't. How tight to hold my arma nd how much force and speed he could use. I guess if you're as strong and fast as a augment, you get used to your strength and how to modify it to certain situations." 

"Like making yourself seem completely normal," Jim murmurs, lips pulling downward. He still has no idea how Khan could have kept up that ruse for so long. 

Bones frowns at Jim and says, "Yeah, even that. He must care for you, though. Why else would he have taken off like a bat outta Hell when he heard you were hurt?"

Jim shrugs a little and turns back to the console, closing the hatch on it. "I don't know. Maybe he does. I'm not sure what to think anymore."

"And you don't care anyway?" Bones asks in his driest tone, looking at his nonchalant friend. "Cause John was only a nice fuck, right?"

"Don't start that shit with me, Bones," Jim replies, not even looking at him. He's not in the mood to have that conversation. 

"If you like, Jim. No skin off my nose. But the way I see it, you've got a couple of days to have that conversation or never think about it ever again," Bones says. "If he was just good in bed, a fun diversion, screw 'em, it's not worth the trouble. But if he was more..." He shrugs his broad shoulders once.

"Maybe I'm trying to concentrate on not getting blown up again and my non-engineer friend should go back to doing what he's good at in Sickbay?" Obviously, it's a sore subject. Jim's still hurting and he doesn't really know how to fix it, even if he did go talk to not-John. 

Bones ignores the anger, understanding he's not really the cause and says, "Two days, Jim. Or are you waiting for him to make the first move?" He gathers up his tools and heads out of Engineering.

it weren't for all the other people still around, Jim would have let his fatigue and his stress show, but he's still the captain. He's the one his crew look up to, so he keeps his face carefully blank and focuses on helping get the ship back up to par. 

He's in a difficult spot, though. Khan's lied to him for so long now that even if the man did say that he genuinely liked Jim, how could Jim ever know that was the truth? What if it was just another lie? And what if Khan doesn't like him at all? Then Jim's put himself out there and exposed his weakness for no reason. 

Fuck, he hates this. 

Still, a few hours later when all the repairs are done and Jim's still grimy and sweaty, he sends a message with one of the Augments. It's just a hastily-scribbled thing asking for permission to speak with Khan in private. Jim half expects it will be ignored. 

An unexpected interruption rises Khan from his slumber, but it is a welcome, if baffling one. He rereads the note several times, trying to determining what Jim might want, before sending back an elegantly scripted invitation to dine with him, should he want, or to meet more informally, if that be his preference. Khan knows which he wants. 

He changes into something less formal and intimidating, though he leaves the rest of himself the same. Jim will be angered if he alters his appearance to something softer, more approachable, even if that is what he wants to be. He will view that as another attempt to deceive him. 

And Khan does not want anymore bad blood between them. Perhaps with this conversation he can at least make their parting on friendlier terms.

Jim hates formalities, so he inevitably goes for the informal meeting, though he does wash up beforehand. When his escort brings him to Khan's door and it opens for him, he steps inside, back straight and head held high. Despite that, he knows Khan will see the vulnerability here, the fact that he's ragged around the edges and a little lost. 

He takes in Khan's outfit. He's ambivalent about it. He misses John, but there's no point in Khan pretending to be someone he's obviously not. "Those clothes suit you more," he finally says after uncertain silence. 

Khan merely smiles and says, "I was pleased to get your note, Captain. I am sorry you did not have time to dine with me, but welcome any conversation you wish to have." He gestures to a comfortable looking sofa in the corner of his quarters. "Please, sit. Would you like any kind of refreshment?" He asks all of these things naturally, trying to be a good host and put his companion at ease. 

It doesn't put Jim at ease at all. It distances him and makes it clear that they've lost the camaraderie that they used to have. John wouldn't have even asked if Jim wanted -- needed -- a drink. "Bourbon," he says simply and eases himself down into the sofa. 

Khan pours three fingers of bourbon into a glass and hands it to Jim, before taking the seat across from him. "I was pleased to receive your note," he says, wanting to use his name, but unsure if he is welcome. "I am glad to see that you do not appear to have suffered any ill affects of the accident in engineering. And were it not for your crew, we would not be back up to full warp." He inclines his head, eyes lowering to the other man in respectful thanks. "I give you my sincere gratitude."

The blond takes the bourbon and sips at it, hunched forward and elbows resting on his knees. He watches Khan like a wary animal. "Why did you bring Bones to Engineering yourself?" Jim asks, cutting to the chase. He doesn't want to deal with the pleasantries and small talk. 

Khan almost sighs at Jim's bluntness, a direct indication that he does not care for the etiquette and politeness Khan has extended. Those are parts of his true nature, pushed aside as unwanted. He answers quietly, "I heard you were injured and reacted accordingly. I did not hurt Dr. McCoy, nor would I, although he was startled." 

Jim's perfectly still as he looks over at Khan. "Yeah, but why did you even give a shit?"

"I care for your welfare," Khan says. "I have never tried to hide or deny that. Your life means a great deal to me, Captain, and I, thus, went more with instinct than thought when I learned of your accident." 

Jim watches him carefully, as if he's trying to learn all of Khan's new nuances. "Are you saying that... not everything was a lie?" 

"Most of it was not a lie, not by the end," Khan says quietly. "My persona was a lie, a construct, but the rest was not. My actions toward you and your crew were not lies. Nor were my attempts to save as many as I could." 

Jim swills the bourbon in his glass before he takes another mouthful. He wants to believe Khan, but it's difficult. "I used to trust you with everything." He shakes his head a little. He feels so stupid now. "Now I don't even know if I can trust that Khan is your real name." 

Khan retracts back as much into his cushion on the sofa as is physically possible. He knows his words are not worth much of anything to the other man now, but he still says, "The things you told me in confidence will remain so. And whatever else my betrayals, they are at an end." He raises his head, chin tilted upward to face Jim squarely. "However, if there is some way you would like to get some of your own back, I will not stop you."

Jim snorts and then shakes his head, more sad than amused. "I'm not here to fight you. I get the sense that punching you in the face wouldn't do much good, anyway. I'm just trying to figure out where we stand." 

"That is rather more up to you now then I, Captain," Khan says. "I did not believe you would wish to stand anywhere with me from now on." He blows out a harsh breath, willing himself to be the one to offer his chin again. "However, if you are asking me if my feelings for you are real, then yes. In that, by the end, I did not lie to you."

Jim looks a little startled by that, sitting up straighter and looking at Khan with widened eyes. He licks at his lower lip, brows furrowing together as he tries to keep the cacophony in his head from spilling out. 

There's a long silence where Jim struggles to find the words he means to say, and eventually, what tumbles out is: "I miss you." 

"I am not John in many ways," Khan says sadly and shakes his head. "I am not the man you miss. I am someone you seem to despise instead. I have done many terrible things for all the wrong reasons for so very, very long." 

He stands and paces a few steps away, before turning back to Jim again. "I am what you have seen on this ship- all that you seem disinclined toward. But at the risk of sounding the fool, I miss you a great deal as well."

Jim watches him pace, the movement making him uneasy. It makes him want to pace, too. Still, he presses onward. "Then... Then maybe you should let me get to know the real you." He's heard of the things Khan's done in the past, yes, but that is not necessarily the be-all and end-all of who he is. Jim wants to know this man who deceived him, and maybe there's someone equally intriguing here, too. ...Maybe. 

"I am right here, Jim," Khan says, hope a flickering light in the back of his eyes. "And I would welcome any opportunity to spend time with you, so you might know Khan Noonien Singh and decide if he is worth at least your friendship.:

The slightest smile tugs at the corner of Jim's lips. He drains the rest of his bourbon and holds his glass up. "Then I'm gonna need you to fill me up again and then sit your ass right here," he says, patting the spot beside him. "You're weirding me out with your pacing."

Khan picks up the bottles and carries it back to the couch, refilling Jim's glass and easing himself down on the cushions again. "Very well. If that is what you wish."

Jim looks over at him and raises his eyebrows just a bit. "It's not like we've got a lot of time. I mean... you're gonna be dumping me off in some refugee camp and leaving again." 

"That is not at all what I said," Khan says, somewhat affronted, "I anticipate a variety of options open to you and your crew, Captain." He considers his next words and then throws all pride to the wind. "I would be pleased if by some chance you decided to stay on the Vengeance."

The blond blinks at him as if he's sure that he must have misheard that. Honestly, Jim hadn't even thought that was an option. "You'd want me to?"

"Yes," Khan says and bows his head to Jim. "More than anything."

"I'll consider it," Jim replies after a moment, bobbing his head slightly. "For now, let's just figure out if our personalities are even compatible."

"And how shall we determine that?" Khan asks, that burst of hope suppressed again just as ruthlessly as it was allowed to rise. 

The blond bites at his lip, considering the question. "I guess we just... talk? Isn't that how it works?"

Khan inclines his head to the other man and says, trying to find a place to start, "I am much more formal in my demeanor and speech than perhaps you are used to. It was a strange part of my training, when I was but a child. My offerings of refreshments or well-wishing are not mere affectations." He is not sure this is what Jim means, but it's an offering. 

"'Affectations'?" Jim mirrors. It's not that he's asking what it means -- he knows what it means -- but it's just one of those words that really stands out and proves how alien this man is to him now. He tries to ignore it. "Alright, so you talk like a Vulcan."

Khan swallows the belittling comment. He does not speak like a Vulcan. He speaks like Khan Noonien Singh. So, his first offering has not been a success. He is uncertain how to proceed from here. "I suppose that is not untrue, although I spoke like this well before I encountered any Vulcans."

Jim rubs at the bridge of his nose. Suddenly, this feels like it could be a long, painful conversation. "Okay, well... what's your favorite 'new-world' food, then?" A safe topic, hopefully. 

"I am rather fond of hasperat curry," Khan says quietly. "I do not usually have time, but I enjoy cooking. I used to make quite a few curries and native Indian foods when-" he paused and shook his head. "I have learned to include some of the more commonly available alien foods in my cooking." 

"Isn't hasperat ridiculously spicy?" Jim asks. He's never had it, mostly for fear of death. Well, that, and for the last while, he hasn't been anywhere near something capable of producing it. 

"I am from India," Khan says with a faint smile. "We invented spicy on Earth. But yes, it is quite extreme for most palettes. I am quite practiced in making mild dishes for those without blash-proof tastebuds. And I would never endanger your life by feeding you something you might be allergic to."

There's a brief moment where Jim's alarmed by the sudden realization that this man knows nearly every single one of his weaknesses. He manages to keep his face mostly neutral. "I like to be able to eat my food without getting my tastebuds burned off, yeah."

"I took pleasure in cooking for you before," Khan reminds him. "I do know what kinds of foods you favor. There was nothing forced in my making meals for you when I had time and ingredients. I would do so again, were you ever interested. Or cook for a larger group, such as your crew."

Jim does, actually, miss those meals and the wistfulness in his expression gives that away even if he won't say it. "You sure you've got time for that?"

"I am certain that time can be found," Khan says. "Would you like me to prepare a meal for you? Or for your crew?" He will set aside a few hours to prepare something worthwhile for them all, if that is Jim's choice. His mind already cycles through the array of foods currently stocked and what he might make that would please them all.

"I think that would be a good start to an apology, yeah," Jim replies and sips at his drink. He's not really sure how the crew will take it. Some might eat, some might not. 

An apology... Khan threads his hands together on his lap and contemplates that this is some sort of revenge tactic on Jim's part. It's a very effective one if it is. Khan wouldn't have expected such ruthlessness in the younger man, but he appreciates both the cruel calculatedness and irony of it all. "I shall arrange something for the gamma shift after next," he says. "I cannot promise anything fancy." 

But it's not actually revenge that Jim's plotting. He does think Khan owes them an apology for...a number of things. Doing something small like this would be a way to regain some measure of comraderie. "We don't need fancy. We wouldn't even know what to do with fancy, even if we had it. Hell, I'm probably allergic to it now," Jim muses." 

"I will prepare something for your crew's dinner for that night then," Khan promises, making mental notes to start planning. "And ensure that there are options which you are not allerigc to. If you would, please do inform me of any other allergies or food dislikes among your crew. I do not wish to take chances or cause dismay."

"As far as I know, all the rest of them had allergy therapy, so other than a couple people who dislike brussels sprouts and broccoli, that's about it." Jim won't name names. He's right up there on the list of people who don't like green vegetables. 

"That is very convenient for you," Khan observes lightly, modifying his recipes a little in his head, "but I will make sure not to use them or related species." He pauses and looks back to Jim, debating going on with this conversation or making some excuses. He decides to wait and see where Jim may go next.

"Thanks." Jim looks at his bourbon, watching it ripple in the glass as he taps his finger against it. There's awkward silence here where there used to be none, but that was back when the Augment was still John. Jim struggles to find a new topic of conversation. "What would be your ideal hobby?" 

"I have always enjoyed reading," Khan says. "The ability for a story to carry my mind away from the realities of life for a little while, even if I inevitably had to return. I cannot name a favorite amongst those readings I have done, but I suppose I have favored those most rightly termed fantasy." 

"Tolkien, Pratchett, Jordan, Gaiman, et cetera?" Jim asks, looking over at the other man. He can definitely see Khan being the intellectual type. Reading fits nicely in there. 

"I have read them all to some degree," Khan says. "And older writers- Burroughs, Verne, Dumas, Sabatini, Haggard, Doyle, Baum, Homer... They have occupied those few hours that were my own on Earth and as in the Empire."

"Huh," the blond remarks. He's not surprised by that, either. Though, he does end up falling into silence and trying to figure out the next question to ask to figure out who this man really is. 

What actually comes out of his mouth is simple and yet startling, even to himself: "Kiss me." 

Khan surprises visibly at the words, but does not question the request, wanting the opportunity so very badly. If this is part of Jim's revenge, so be it, Khan will pay whatever price is to come. He slides a hand around Jim's right cheek, tilts his head slightly and kisses tenderly, but with a hint of ferocity. His tongue slides gently over Jim's lips, asking without taking for more.

All Jim wants is to learn the truth. He wants to know if Khan truly still cares for him and if there's any hint of John left in him. This is the most direct way to find out, and there are no words or lies to confuse him. 

The tenderness of the touch is encouraging and Jim yields easily, parting his lips to allow Khan in, though that hint of dominance is new. John had always been so timid, where Khan is far more feral. Still, Jim wants this. It feels like ages since they were close. 

Khan wraps an arm around Jim's waist and pulls him in closer, allowing more than a hint of his strength to show. He explores Jim's mouth, hugry and wanting. His tongue is dominant in a way that John's kisses never showed. But there is longing and tenderness in his actions, as well. He cares for Jim and lets that bleed through, too.

Jim moans quietly and pushes his tongue right back against Khan's not willing to submit to that more dominant force. He grips the man's hips and presses himself flush against him, and hopes to whoever's listening that the want and affection he feels coming from Khan is real. It feels real. Jim wants more.

Khan growls deeply in the back of his throat and then scoops him completely into his lap. He rubs his back with strong, warm hands, exploring the broad planes. But he forces himself to pull away for just a moment, enough to look into Jim's eyes and ask, "What do you want, Jim?"

"I want to fuck you," Jim purrs against Khan's lips. Sure, it's something they've only done a couple of times before, but if there is still a connection, Jim thinks that's where he'll find it. He thinks there's a good chance it's there, given the way Khan just kissed him and his instincts aren't often wrong. He just needs to know for sure.

Khan feels an icy bucket of water over his head and says, "That is something John allowed, which I do not...or have never before. You were the first allowed, no matter my persona." He refuses to question his motives for giving in to Jim's desire to take him that way, since they are murky at best.

Jim blinks at him. "You--" He tips his head, confused, brows furrowing together. He's not entirely sure how to take that news. On the one hand, he feels a little triumphant. On the other, he actually feels bad for doing something the guy wasn't really into and had to go along with anyway. "Okay. Uh. Never mind that, then." Now there's just awkwardness again. 

Khan does not let Jim go, but brushes his lips down the cure of his neck. "There are many other things we might do together, Jim, if you are amenable." He finds his right earlobe and sucks it in his mouth, nibbling very lightly at the small scrap of skin.

It's only that distraction that keeps Jim from squirming away and slinking back to the cargo bay in shame. Those pouty lips nipping at him even manage to draw out a groan. "What... What did you have in mind?"

"I should like very much to be intimately acquainted with your every feature again," Khan rumbles and skims his teeth over the hard line of a tendon. "Just to touch every inch of you with hands and teeth and tongue would be a great pleasure...for us both." He slides his hands under Jim's tunic and undershirt to the warm skin beneath. "Please." 

Jim's torn for a moment. Just like Khan, he's not used to submitting. He's usually the one on top, the one calling the shots. However, he also came here on the off chance that he could fix this, so he has to at least try. "Okay," he finally says, lifting up his arms so Khan can take his shirts off. 

Khan tosses away Jim's shirts and then tugs off his own to join them. He shifts so their torsos rub against each other, skin warm and soft against where they touched. He allows thie glorious friction for a moment and then eases Jim back to expose him to more exploration. "Shall we go to the bed?" he asks, nuzzling Jim's collarbone.

Jim likes that warmth. He likes being close to people, but he's tried to keep from complicating things with his crew, so John was the only one he'd actually slept with. He missed that warmth of having another in his arms. "Yeah. Bed sounds good."

Khan stands and takes Jim with him, carrying him to the bed. He sets Jim down and removes the other man's boots and socks with movements of inhuman speed, before toeing off his own. He lays on the bed next to Jim, on his side, making it an equal encounter, with neither in the more dominant position. Splaying a hand on his chest, Khan traces down to the hem of his pants. He finds the happy trail and first curl of blond hair at his groin, which he tugs tenderly. "Jim."

The blond is still a little stunned by Khan's sheer strength. He'd picked Jim up like he'd weighed nothing, and then there's that surprising speed... 

It's balanced out by the slowness that follows, though, and he relaxes, smiling just a little when Khan tugs at his hairs. "Do I call you Khan now? Is that your name or a title?" 

"Khan is my family name, and Singh is a title," Khan says. "The name that is my own is Noonien. Very few have ever called me by that name, and none who was my lover." He kisses Jim's mouth, focusing on the sweetness of his lips. "I would call you James, were I to have my way."

"Noonien." Jim rolls the name around on his tongue, testing the feel of it. He decides that it's new, but not unpleasant. He licks at Khan's lips and raises an eyebrow at him, amused. "Why 'James'? That's what strangers call me." 

"I suppose Jim just feels harsh and unromantic on my tongue," Khan muses. "James is a sound I can work with." He demonstrates by purring the name in an increasingly seductive set of ways.

"Oh..." Consider Jim seduced. He likes the way it rolls off Khan's tongue. It sends shivers down his spine and makes him flush a little. Nobody's ever said his name like that before and hearing it from a man with a voice like Khan's is like buttercream. Rich and sweet and thick. "Okay."

Khan pinches James' right nipple between two careful fingers, tugging the little bud in a rugged peak. He renews their kiss, both claiming and inviting claim. But he drifts away from the sweet mouth and moves to his chest. The collarbone receives the keenest attention; in the center, Khan latches on and sucks up a love mark.

Jim moans, loving this attention. It's a chance of pace for him and it feels intimate, like Khan really does give a fuck, like maybe this whole thing isn't betrayal. Maybe it's just finding that there was a more intriguing side to John that Jim's only just discovering. 

He grabs the back of Khan's head, curling his fingers into the Augment's hair, fingernails scraping lightly at his scalp. Jim doesn't mind the hickey. If anything, he's encouraging it. 

Khan growls happily as James grabs his hair and pulls him closer. He works to darken the mark of claim, wanting it to be real, to have meaning. He only releases the piece of skin when he caught a hint of coppery blood. He did not want to hurt his lover. He tenderly kisses the spot instead, tongue darting out to taste and soothe. "I have missed you," he admits softly.

"You're not secretly a vampire, are you?" Jim asks, tipping his head down to try to catch a look at the spot, but he can't get the proper angle. He has no idea how dark that's going to get, but he's willing to bet it'd show up through a white shirt. Good thing his isn't white. 

"Not to my knowledge," Khan rumbles, "though I have been called a wolf." He lifts his head enough to smile secretly at James. And then he tugs himself downward, leaving a slick trail over James' abdomen. His chin bumps something very firm even lower, and he pauses. "I wish to see all of you now."

Jim shivers a little and he has to admit to himself that he's looking forward to this a little more than he'd thought he would. He lifts his hips as a signal for Khan to take off his pants. "Not like you've never seen it before." 

"Which is every reason why I so desperately want to see it again," Khan praises, removing the pants like he's unwrapping some tremendously rare and precious gift. Which he is. He hopes this is not their last time, but plans to enjoy every second as if he may lose James in the next. So, he makes a very appreciative noise as he uncovers a beautiful cock- long, thick and already wet. "You are delectable,"

Jim can't help that being close to this man again has put his libido into overdrive. He's a little embarrassed that he's already leaking in anticipation of what's to come. "So are you. You're the reason I'm like this." 

"I am flattered," Khan says and skims his fingers through the moisture, before sucking them off, one at a time. "And pleased. So very pleased." A hand moves to fondle the heavy sack between James' legs, enjoying the girth. "Tell me now what you wish, James. I want to hear you say it."

The blond groans and arches up into the touch, licking at his lower lip as he looks down at Khan. "I want you to show me what I'm worth to you." He knows that's vague, but it's what he wants. Khan can interpret it how he likes, and what he comes up with should be interesting. 

Khan's brows go up and then he urges James down, on his back. He pauses for a long look into his lover's eyes and then works his magic truly with his mouth and clever fingers. He knows some the spots that make James hum and twist with pleasure and exploits them now as John never would. His actions seek to drive James near mad with pleasure, until he whines and begs for release. And only then will Khan show him how he truly feels, his true worth.

It's almost cruel. Jim knew that Khan knew all his weaknesses and he still wasn't prepared for all the pleasurable sensations the man would force out of him. Every time Khan pinches his nipples or bites at the join between pelvis and thigh, or rubs at his perineum. All of these things make Jim writhe and moan, cock dripping all over his abdomen as he struggles to get his trembling muscles under control. 

Finally, he can take no more. "Please." 

Khan smiles at this one word, but does not make James ask again. He simply traces one finger tortorously down the weeping erection and then tilts it slightly upward. His tongue flicks out once to taste the emerging liquid, but that is only a quick tease. Loosening his jaw and feeling thankful for having no gag reflex, he slips the whole length in his mouth in a slow, wet slide.

Jim's eyes slowly widen further the more of his shaft that Khan takes in without gagging. He's both dumbfounded and incredibly aroused by the sight of Khan with his head buried between Jim's legs, mouth stretched around his cock. Oh, yes. That's something to savor for a moment, even if that tight heat is slowly driving him insane. "You look good down there."

Khan just intensifies his attempts to give pleasure at the comment, trying to show James that he also enjoys being down here. This is a somewhat submissive act he does not mind, for in all reality, he is in complete control. Besides, James tastes so very good.

Jim whimpers at the increased suction, hips starting a rhythmic roll upwards into the Augment's mouth, fucking those pretty, bow-shaped lips. Somehow, it's kind of hot that Khan looks completely confident instead of shy, bold instead of meek. Jim's always liked men who were confident in bed. "If you keep that up, you're gonna make me come..."

Khan pulls off with a slightly confused expression. "Is that not something you wish?" He does not leave the lovely cock unattended, fingers still tracing and pumping the length tenderly. 

"No, I just-- I mean--" Jim takes a breath to steady himself and get his mind working again and he somehow refrains from begging Khan not to stop. "Some people don't like swallowing come." 

"Ah, forgive me," Khan murmurs and leans in to kiss James' abdomen once. "Your courtesy is appreciated." He bites lightly at the tender skin just above James' groin. "Shall I suck you until you fill my mouth with release?"

"Oh, God." Jim shivers at the picture that puts in his head. "Yeah, if that's what you want, then please do."

"If it's what I want?" Khan teases and traces the vein on the underside of James' cock with one evil finger.

Another shiver wracks through the blond and he makes a keening sound at the back of his throat. "Then don't tease."

"You don't like to draw lovemaking out?" Khan asks with a soft purr. "To simply drown in the sensations, the pleasure, until you feel as if you surely cannot survive any longer?" He tiptoes one hand up James' chest to play with both sweet nipples.

Jim squirms under the new sensations, cock twitching as if trying to catch Khan's attention. "I don't, no, mostly 'cause I don't make love." Nope, that is an entirely different thing than 'fucking' and Jim has never done that. It's intimate and it's scary and it's only for people who are in love. 

Khan makes a noise of discontent, but says only, "I did tell you that I speak more formally than most, so I hope you forgive that I do not use vulgarities." But as it is obvious that James does not want to draw this out, he wraps his hand more firmly around his cock and strokes in a fierce, focused way that will bring him a heady, if swift, climax.

Jim would say more, but there's a strong, smooth, firm hand working him expertly and all coordinated vocal ability flies out the window. He's reduced to grunts and moans, eyes mere slits as he stares at Khan from under his lashes. He's so, so close that his whole body is vibrating, flush with arousal and burning with the need to come. Finally, mercifully, he crashes over, spilling onto Khan's hand with a loud cry and a strong thrust of his hips. 

Khan keeps the steady pumping going, milking James of every last drop. And the man is delightfully copious in his release, making a mess of himself. His lover is a virile man, and Khan appreciates that in these few moments when James is his. But the words from before- "I don't make love"- have reminded him that James will never be his in any way that matters. 

Jim is completely spent for the moment, breath coming heavy while his body slowly comes down from the high. "That- that was really good," he praises, lifting a shaky leg to brush it against Khan's side affectionately. 

Khan inclines his head in quiet acceptance of the praise and then maneuvers to lie comfortably beside James. He traces lazy patterns in his skin, content to watch him bask in afterglow. He memorizes the feeling of the skin beneath his fingers, warm memories for another, lonelier day.

The blond rolls over to face him and he reaches out, sliding his hand along Khan's abdomen and down further, brushing at the hem of the Augment's pants. "Take these off and I'll return the favor," he suggests, voice low and husky.

Khan catches the hand and pulls it to his mouth to brush a kiss over his knuckles. And then, elegance personified, he undulates out of his pants and undergarments, as a highly trained, and paid, professional exotic dancer might. "I would like that." 

If Jim wasn't sold on the idea before, he definitely is now. Watching Khan squirm around like that, all grace and lean muscle, has him interested in putting his mouth on that exquisite body. He slides down the bed, crawling his way between Khan's legs, lifting his lover's knee so he can bite lightly at the inside of it and then nip and kiss his way down, slowly and teasingly. 

Khan suppresses surprise that James is willing to touch him this way and pushes his leg into the attention. He murmurs soft praise of that mouth along the sensitive part of his calf. And moves the other leg to dexterously stroke James' body with toes.

Jim might not be good at doing the whole 'making love' thing, but he doesn't want to be called a bad lover. He does want to make Khan feel good after all the attention the Augment gave to him. 

Once he reaches the base of Khan's cock, he licks it teasingly, right from his balls all the way up to the head, and then he sucks in just the very tip of it, suckling wetly.  
Khan would never call James a bad lover, for that would be a most unbelievable lie. He remembers fondly the care James took with John, the almost unbearable sweetness in handling what he believed to be a shy and inexperienced lover. His hands work into James' hair, gentle and caressing. "May I thrust?" he asks, wanting to very badly.

Jim takes in a little more of Khan's cock so that when he hums out an affirmative "mm hmm", it will reverberate down his shaft. He steadies himself on the bed and he reaches down to stroke along the curve of Khan's ass, pushing just a little to let him know it's okay to lift his hips. 

Khan eases his hips up, careful with his strength and speed. He finds a comfortable rhythm for them both, much more easily than expected. He reflects that they are well suited, at least physically, understanding each other as lovers no matter what the situation. And then he closes his eyes and basks in the pleasures of James mouth, which spark down his nerves and curls his toes.

Jim likes Khan's thickness and he always has, now that he reflects on it. Even if the man's personality is different, he still has John's body, magnificent as it is. The blond relaxes his throat, letting Khan push in over and over, swallowing around him on occasion to stimulate his glans. He knows that while his lips might not be as pretty as Khan's, he can do devilish things with his tongue. 

"James," Khan purrs, praise in that one word alone. "I can go for hours this way, watching you give me such devoted attentions, but I fear you should not like it as much as I."

Jim looks up at him, eyebrows raised slightly. He didn't know Khan could go for hours. That's a little bit intimidating, actually, but also incredibly hot at the same time. That would be great if-- ...No. He can't get ahead of himself. Lots of things have to happen before Jim decides things one way or another, though this intimacy has helped ease his decision. 

He lets the Augment's shaft slip out of his mouth and licks his lips. "I don't really mind, but the only way my throat will take it is if I lay on the bed and let my head hang over the edge." 

"That is a treat I should like to enjoy...but not this time," Khan says, indicating hopefully that this should not be their last intimacy. "Let me hold you and rut between your strong thighs? I should like to have you in my arms, so I may kiss you while I spill."

Jim's not sure he'll ever get used to the way that Khan talks, but at least he can understand him and it makes him smile. "Okay. How do you want me?" And because he can't help but tease a little more, Jim goes right back to sucking on Khan's glans while he waits for a reply.

Khan growls in a double way, pleasured and grumpy. He reaches down to untangle James from his cock and urges him up into his arms. "You knew perfectly well what I wished," he accuses, settling his lover against him and rolling to half-pin James to the mattress.

Jim smirks a little, rolling up against him in a sensual and seductive way. In his brain, it doesn't matter who Khan is. This feels good. It feels... familiar, somehow, even if it's new. "Nothing wrong with asking." There's even a little voice in Jim's consciousness saying that it wouldn't really mind if Khan fucked him... That wouldn't be so bad, right? 

"James," Khan rumbles low in his throat and traces a hand down his spine. He lightly rubs over his coccyx, gently stimulating the area. His fingernails then scratch over the skin just at his tailbone, before a single finger gently teases above the crease of his lovely ass. "I want you, James."

The blond whimpers, breath catching in his throat as his eyes flutter shut. "I want you, too," he admits, emboldened by the blood leaving his brain for other areas. Jim opens his eyes again to look up at Khan, watching him intently.

Khan tilts James' head for a kiss, sucking at his lower lip tenderly. His fingers slide deeper into the crease and just lingers over the pretty ring of muscle. He crooks his finger to just hook the edge, but doesn't do more than actually tease. 

It's been a long while since Jim was last penetrated. He tightens instinctively, but then lets out a breath, relaxing once more. "Just... go slow." He's not interested in getting his ass torn open and having to explain things to Bones. 

Khan makes a soft noise and rolls away for a second, retrieving a small bottle of oil from the nightstand. He gently coats his fingers and then rubs the liquid over James' strong thighs. His fingers brush tenderly over James' spent cock, making sure not to stimulate too much. "Your skin is so soft," he murmurs.

Jim smiles a little, both flattered and rueful. "It's not. It's covered in scars." The very fact that Khan seems to think his skin is smooth makes the blond a little self-conscious, pressing his thighs back together without realizing it. 

Khan glances at James' face and cradles his cheek with one hand. "It is soft beneath the scars...and they only prove your strength and courage, James. You are a survivor. And well my heart is warmed that you are." He does not try and push his legs apart, just smooths his hand more over warm thighs. 

Khan's words and actions ease that small spike of anxiety and Jim's thigh's part for him once more, inviting him to settle between them. "I'm a survivor because I have to be. Everybody depends on me." 

"Because they know you are reliable," Khan says truthfully. "You will continue to be a strength to your people, whatever you decide to do, James." He smooths his fingers into the crevices of James' thighs and makes a pleasured noise. "That will work quite well, James, if I may thrust here and take my pleasure."

"I hope so." Those questing fingers feel good, easing out knots in his thighs he didn't even realize were there. The thought of Khan's warm shaft sliding between his legs makes goosebumps raise up along his skin and he makes a quiet noise of want. "Please do."

Khan smiles and kisses James' mouth once, soft and brief. He uses his superior strength to ease James exactly as he wants him, legs spread just the right way and slicked with just the right amount of oil to allow him to thrust. He starts slow and gentle, allowing James to get used to the feel and the motion. He brackets his shoulders with strong arms, not putting his weight on James.

This is something entirely new for Jim. Nobody's ever just wanted to rub against him before. It's nice, in its own way. It doesn't demand anything of him, other than to just lay there and enjoy the slow rocking of the movement and the way their bodies press together. It allows him to just watch Khan and the way the man reacts to every thrust. 

"You feel so good beneath me, James," Khan says, wanting to share the experience with his lover. He caresses his cheeks and neck, before leaning down to explore his mouth tenderly, tongue slipping between his lips. 

The blond groans quietly, teeth parting to let Khan inside and tongue caressing the Augment's. He wants to taste Khan, too. There's mint and spices, hot like tea, and Jim finds that he likes it. 

Khan moans into the kiss and thrusts even faster, eyes shutting in pleasure. He wants to speak sweetly and tell him all of the same kinds of things he used to tell John. James was so sweet to John, always praising him during their couplings, trying to ease the nerves and shyness he thought John possessed. It had made Khan soften toward the other man, the condescension he had shown. But he fears James will be upset if he uses those kinds of words in this situation. 

Jim closes his legs around Khan's shaft as much as he can, squeezing around him, wanting to give him more friction. He can tell that the brunet is losing himself in good sensations and Jim wants to further that in any way he can, so he makes a tight tunnel for him between his legs and groans encouragingly. 

"May I touch you again, James?" Khan asks and reaches between them to gently touch his cock. "Does this feel all right?" His hips continue to move and build his pleasure higher. 

"Go ahead," Jim says and smiles at Khan a little. It's not like the guy actually penetrated him, so he's not even sure why Khan's asking if things are okay. "Why? You need more?" 

"Not that," Khan murmurs and wraps his fingers more firmly around James' cock. "Here. Does this hurt?" He presses his mouth over James' pulse point, feeling the strong beat of his heart there. 

"Oh, no, not at all." Jim arches up a little to push his shaft more firmly into Khan's hand and he lets out a sigh. He's been hard for a little bit so having some attention there feels good.

"I have always admired your virility," Khan praises and then shifts so he can take both of them in one strong hand. He rubs them together, spreading his own leakage on James' erection to ease the way, as well as some of the oil still remaining. 

The blond whimpers at the firm grip, but bucks into it anyway, loving the feeling of their slick shafts rubbing together. "More," he pleads. No one can say that Jim isn't demanding.

"What more would you like?" Khan asks. "More of my hand?" He strokes up and down a few times in demonstration. "More of my cock?" He ruts against James so their cocks scrape along each other thrillingly. "More of both?" He simultaneously pleasures them both with hand and cock.

"Both!" Jim cries out. Trust him to pick more of everything. He writhes at the sensations coursing through his loins, making his balls ache and his muscles tighten. Khan knows how to make him feel good.

Khan likes that about him and intensifies his efforts, concentrating mostly on James' pleasure. He places the hand not actively stroking them both beside James' head. "Move with me, James," he urges sweetly.

Jim needs a moment to time the pace and then he starts pushing up into Khan's hand, sliding his cock against the Augment's. It makes him moan even more loudly, lost in a deluge of pleasure and not even bothering to be subtle about it. "Fuck. Nn, good!"

Khan growls low in his throat and leans in to bite at his throat and chin. He hums under his breath and sucks eagerly at the joint of neck and shoulder, drawing up a mark there. "Is that all right?" he asks softly, licking at the spot. 

"Kinda late to ask now, don't you think?" Jim asks with a breathy chuckle and retaliates by dragging his fingernails down Khan's shoulders and back. He even smirks a little. 

"Yes, I suppose," Khan admits and shivers in delight as James scratches his back. He tugs harder on their erections and thumbs over the head of James' cock, before sliding a hand down to cup the fullness of his balls. "You're ready to come for me again, aren't you? This is so full, so heavy and beautiful." 

There's a quiet, needy noise that escapes Jim when Khan cups his balls like that and then the blond bucks up into the Augment's touch. "Yeah," he pants. "How about you? You getting close?" 

"Hours," Khan reminds him with a wicked grin and smothers his next words with a deep kiss, tongue slipping into his mouth. His hand moves back up to encircle James' erection and strokes him toward his climax. "Come for me, James," he whispers into his mouth. "Please."

That little reminder leaves Jim feeling uncertain if he's impressed or intimidated or both. Still, the brunet strokes him in just the right ways and there's a little surge of intense pleasure that heads straight to Jim's balls. That's the last straw, and Jim comes again with a loud cry, messing their cocks and his abdomen. 

"There you are," Khan purrs and finishes his lover off, making sure that every drop is carefully spilled before he releases him again. He smears the seed over James' thighs and then eases down and begins thrusting between those hard, but smooth, legs again. 

Jim's once again lost in a cloud of bliss and he lies still, completely boneless and pliant under Khan's touches. He feels so good and relaxed that, soon, he's nearly half-asleep. 

Khan notices James turning soft and sleepy under him and leans back on his knees. He moves his hand fast and hard over his cock, allowing his climax to build until he spurts on James' belly and chest, marking him in yet another way. And oh, the lovely human looks so perfect beneath him, claimed in a way that makes the augment's primitive instincts, always near to the surface, hum with pleasure. 

The young blond grunts quietly, opening one eye to look at the mess on his abdomen. He's absolutely filthy now, but too lazy to do anything about it. "You look happy," he remarks as he gazes up at Khan. 

Khan rumbles a contented purr under his breath and then begins to clean his lover up with long swipes of his tongue. He enjoys their mingled flavors, as well as the warm skin that met each swipe. 

Jim smiles a little and watches Khan. He never would have guessed the guy liked come so much, but there he is, lapping it off of Jim's stomach like it's gelato. For once, the blond doesn't say anything. He just enjoys the view. 

"James," Khan says, "augments prize family over all else. We have none who are related to us by blood, so we made our own family. To me, you are family, James. I would like to keep you with me, if you would agree. And your crew, as they are also your family."

The blond blinks a little at the sudden serious turn of the conversation. "I..." He bites at his lower lip, pondering over what he wants to do. He still doesn't really know. John was the only person he'd ever come close to actually liking and that all just sort of got blown up in his face. "I don't know. I mean, their decisions are their own. I won't make them go anywhere they don't want to, but as for me... I don't know yet."

"I know it cannot be easy for you," Khan says quietly and presses a kiss to his forehead. "I care for you, James. Seeing your people killed and hurt...I felt it as I did when my own lost their lives or were injured. I knew before that I care for you, but not how much until the attack. When I realized your crew was my family, too." 

Jim looks a little disheartened, but only because he vividly remembers seeing his friends die and the betrayal he felt. It's not a pleasant feeling. It makes cold shivers go down his spine and he turns his face away from Khan. "I still have time to make my decision."

Khan eases off of James and presses one soft kiss to his abdomen, apology and care in the touch. He walks away to fetch a cloth to clean his lover. "Do you want to stay here tonight?" he asks, gently wiping the remains of the mess clean. 

The blond thinks about that for a moment, but then he eventually shakes his head. "If I don't return, they'll think something happened to me. I should probably head back."

Khan's expression falls, and his head drops a little in acceptance. "Of course. Would you like to go back by yourself? I know you can find your way." He touches James' right cheek tenderly and then goes to fetch his clothes. 

Even if he's not great at showing it, Jim appreciates that Khan's taking care of him right now, cleaning him and gathering his clothes. He sits up, limbs still a little shaky, and he shuffles his way to the edge of the bed. "No, I think you should come with me."

"You do? You want me to come, James?" Khan asks, pleased and warmed by the suggestion. He leans in to kiss James, sharing the briefest press of lips and tongue.

Jim nods and then nudges Khan's foot with his toe. "Yeah. It would be good for them to see us back in some semblance of normalcy. It might help them feel more comfortable, like everything's gonna be okay. Now put my socks on for me?" 

Khan makes a soft noise of amusement and gently slides James' socks over his feet. "I believe that things will improve for us all. I must believe that."

Inquisitive toes wiggle inside those socks once they're put on and then they point at Jim's boots, too. "I know. Me too, or I'd have offed myself years ago." 

"That is a terrible thing to say, James," Khan murmurs, "for life would seem much less worthwhile were you not to be part of it." He picks up a boot and notes, "You do realize you are ordering the man you think held you prisoner to put on your boots."

"There were some close calls when I was younger," Jim replies nonchalantly, ghosting over the non-issue. He lifts his foot to help Khan put the boot on and he smirks a little. "Yep. What's your point?"

"Nothing at all, James," Khan says and finishes the task at hand. He eases himself gracefully to his feet and reaches out to stroke his cheek and hair. "May I kiss you again?"

Jim tips his head up into the touches and makes noises as if he's pondering long and hard on this. Eventually, though, he smiles. "Sure. After you put all the rest of my clothes on." 

"I see," Khan says with a frown and pauses. "And if I wished you to put on some of your clothes for yourself, you will refuse to kiss me." He looks a little put out by the idea.

"Maybe I just like having somebody else take care of me for once?" Jim asks, but he reaches for his boxers, anyway, tugging them on over his boots. He supposes there was only so far he could push his luck. 

Khan softens at James' reply and picks up his pants, as well. He tugs them over his lover's legs, amused that they fit over his boots. "We need to get you better clothes," he murmurs and then reaches for his shirt, as well.

"What's wrong with these ones?" Jim's lost so much weight since the Empire took over. He's a wiry thing, thin and strong, and his clothes hang off him. It's been like that for so long that he doesn't even notice anymore, so he just lifts his hands up so Khan can put his shirt on. 

"They don't fit as well as they might," Khan says, caressing his lover's thin body, and then pulls the shirt over his head. He presses a kiss to his forehead and says, "There you are, my James." He dares the added word, hoping the other man wouldn't mind.

Jim lets it slide, considering how Khan has indulged him, and then he reaches up to grab the back of the Augment's neck and tug him down for that kiss that he wanted. 

Khan pauses to look into James' eyes for a second and asks softly, "Do you want to kiss me, James? I want you to, so very much."

"Wouldn't be two inches from your face if I didn't," the blond murmurs before he closes the distance and seals their lips together. 

Khan lifts James into his arms, tender, but strong. His mouth invites tongue and additional lips and teeth, wanting, but not taking this time. He cradles his lover in strong arms and threads his fingers into the softness of James' hair, stroking. 

Jim wraps his arms around Khan's waist, too, until they're completely entangled and then he raids the Augment's mouth. He licks at his teeth and rubs their tongues together, kissing him until he's out of breath and has to pull away. 

Khan nibbles and his jawline and then finally kisses his lover one last time, before setting him down. "Let me escort you home, James."

"Okay," Jim quips, reaching out for Khan's hand to tug him towards the door. His mood has perked right back up, even if he knows he'll be heading straight for slumberland when he gets within spitting distance of his bed. 

"If I thought there was a chance, I would ask to sleep with you in your room," Khan says with a brief smile. He enjoys that James looks happy with their encounter. 

The blond looks over his shoulder at Khan, contemplative. "You could." 

"James," Khan breathes and steps forward into his lover, nuzzling into his hair. "I would very much like to...but I know that your crew may not understand as of yet. I do not wish to get you into trouble."

"Worst that's gonna happen is we get raided in the night and I have to rescue you from pitchfork-wielding crazies. Same old, same old." He shrugs and keeps walking. "Look, you want us to get our connection back, right? This is a good way to do it."

Khan smiles at James for the last sentence and says, "You know I wish this connection, James. I am more than grateful for the chance to be close to you again."

Jim is happy things went a lot better than he thought they were going to. Sometimes, Bones gives some good advice. "Just don't mess it up. I'm only gonna forgive something like that once." 

"Do you mean you wish to be close to me?" Khan asks softly, hope in his tone and demeanor. "That I may be forgiven for all that has happened?" 

"That's gonna depend all on you. Obviously, I'm willing to give you a chance here," Jim replies as he steps into the turbolift. He knows it's going to take a while before he really trusts anything Khan says.

Khan bows his head in understanding, trying not to let his disappointment show. Certainly, he is a fool when it comes to his heart and James. He would not forgive a treachery so quickly and feels slightly ashamed for thinking James might. The other man loves his crew, too, after all and cannot feel Khan's remorse. "I appreciate that chance," he says.

Jim's had people screwing him over his whole life. His trust isn't easily broken, but when it is... well, it's not impossible to regain, but it takes work. Jim doesn't want to have his heart trampled on. He needs to protect himself, too. "Just... I mean, if everything goes well in the next couple of days," he pauses and bites at his lower lip, "I'll probably stay on the Vengeance." 

Khan smiles and brushes his fingers over the back of James' nape, tender and sure. "I would very much like to invite your crew to take positions on the Vengeance crew for the next few days, if you and they would be willing."

"Then how about you bring that up with them in the morning? Anybody who wants to do some work on an honest-to-god ship can join you and the others," Jim suggests as he steps back out of the turbolift and heads for the cargo bay. 

"With pleasure, Captain," Khan says. "And how about for yourself? Would you like to take a position on the Vengeance, at least for now?" He reaches for James' hand, tentative and slow to let him take or reject the offer.

Jim looks down at Khan's hand and then he clasps it again, seeing no reason not to. It's not as if his affection for John had been a secret. Though, he does notice the looks they get when they walk into that cargo bay together. 

First, the crew who are still awake and in the common area are obviously eyeballing Jim to check him for injury. Secondly, they check Khan over for weapons. Then, finally, they collectively seem to register that Jim is holding Khan's hand. The tension in the atmosphere seems to lessen and Jim looks over at Khan. "Well, looks like we'll be avoiding Lord of the Flies today." 

Khan offers James' crew a small smile and tangles their fingers a little tighter together. "Hello everyone," he says quietly and projects as much friendliness as possible. "I will leave if you and they wish for it," he whispers to James, so only he can hear. "But I would very much like to go to your room now." 

Jim gestures for the crew to go back to what they were doing, and for the most part, the quiet murmurs of chatter goes back to what it was. He tugs Khan along towards his room and pushes the door open. It's a little sticky, but he gets it on the second shove, and then he invites Khan in.

Khan frowns as the door sticks, since it's brand new and specially made. "I will make sure that is fixed," he says and then gently pushes the doot shut behind him. "I am looking forward to sleeping next to you again." When they were together as John and Jim, the captain would hold him tight, with John as the little spoon.

"Don't worry about the door. It's temporary housing. I get it. I'm not expecting perfection," Jim replies as he strips out of his shirt and tosses it to the floor. "Yeah...? Did you miss that?" he asks of their sleeping arrangements. 

"I found it very odd, especially that I liked it a great deal," Khan says and removes his shirt, as well. He stretches a little, the muscles of his abdomen rippling. "I will happily sleep that way again, though it does go against my instincts."

"Being held does?" Jim snorts quietly, amused, and then crawls under the covers, holding a corner open for Khan. "Come on, then."

Khan toes off his boots and socks and the his pants, leaving on his briefs. He slides in beside James and faces him, reaching out to trace his cheek with soft fingertips. And then, against his nature, he turns on his side and offers himself to James to hold. 

"Oh, wow, getting that naked, are we? Okay, hold on." Jim squirms under the covers, flailing around until he's just in his boxers, too and then he curls against Khan and pulls him close. 

Khan relaxes almost instantly against James' body and lets out a soft sigh of contentment. His eyes shut, sleep already seeping into his bones. "James," he murmurs. 

"I'm here," the blond murmurs right back, squeezing around Khan's waist. "Sleep."

"I will try," Khan promises and snuggles closer to his lover, finding it in himself to live in the moment. He drifts off with hopes for the next day.  
~~~~~~~~~

The news of the scuffle reaches Khan's ears quickly, and he hits the comm and roars that Jocham had better not have laid a finger on Jim Kirk, if he wants to live the rest of the day. Ignoring the startlement of his crew, he leaves Joaquin in charge of the bridge and hurtles down to determine why a member of his crew is fighting with his lover. He left everyone strict instructions to treat Jim and his people with consideration and as equals, and his word is still law. His anger is not to be trifled with.

He bursts on to the scene, anger in his form and face, but warring with protective instincts toward James. He glances between the two men, thankfully parted, and nods a thanks to the two augments between them. "What happened here?" he asks the room at large, but his eyes are on James. 

Jim's face is bloodied, blood still oozing out of his nose in a slow trickle and lip split. He's holding his left bicep with his right hand, tucking it close to his body protectively as he warily eyes Jocham before glancing over at Khan, like he's ready to have to defend himself again at any moment. He snuffles a little before he clears his airways enough to answer. "Nothin'."

Though, that statement is immediately trampled over by Jocham's growl of, "He does not know how to follow orders!"

"Maybe if you weren't an imperial dick about everything, we wouldn't have a problem," Jim snarls right back. 

Khan makes an impatient slicing gesture through the air and glances toward Isolde, always calm in the face of any situation. "What has happened here?" he asks her, moving toward James, needing to help, to stop the blood. 

Isolde glances at Jocham and answers in her clear, sweet tone, "Jocham is not incorrect that Mr. Kirk is unresponsive to command structure at times...however, he reacted with rather more force than the situation warranted."

Khan bares his teeth at Jocham and hisses, "You ignored my orders as well, then, if we are to talk insubordination. Mr. Kirk and his crew are our guests, regardless of their assistance. You had no right to treat him as anything else, less to lay a hand on him. I will not have my own orders so blatantly disregarded." He turns to James, ignoring his own crew for a moment. "Perhaps your Dr. McCoy should attend to you, Captain."

Jim does not feel like being babied in front of Jocham, or any of the Augments, for that matter, and he pulls away from Khan. "I'm fine. I can take care of myself." He's been doing that for years, after all. He gives his nemesis one last, angry glare before he walks past Khan and heads for the turbolift. He knows he needs to go see Bones. He's pretty sure his arm is broken or dislocated or both. It's not pleasant, and it's not helping his mood any, either. 

Khan waits for the turbolift to close, before dismissing the two augmented witnesses and dealing with Jocham. In another place and time, the punishment would have been much more severe, but here and now, he must content himself with removing some privileges, adding many unpleasant tasks and forcing an apology to Kirk in front of his crew. The last burns Jocham's pride, but the other augment knows he got off easy this time.  
Khan follows James to the Sickbay, where Dr. McCoy is working, and waits for him to be treated. He rather dislikes the way the other man spat at him before leaving the scene and will not allow that to fester. He stands in clear view of the younger man, so James cannot escape.

Jim's sitting rather sulkily on the biobed, shirt having been cut off due to his inability to move his left arm. It's not dislocated, despite the pulled muscles, but it is fractured and will require some time to heal, which means Jim's not allowed to do any heavy lifting for a few days. His nose has been patched up and his split lip mended, though the blood hasn't been wiped off his face yet. He watches Khan warily, wondering what he wants. 

Khan drifts over when Dr. McCoy gives him a look between amused and annoyed, before leaving James alone on the biobed. He stops a few feet away and studies the younger man's face, thinking how very young and very beautiful he is. "Will you please tell me what occurred, Captain? It is not like Jocham to so badly neglect his orders and duties in such a way."

Jim looks away from him and fixes his gaze on some spot on the wall. Mostly, he's angry he lost the fight. In his mind, it doesn't matter that his opponent was heavier, stronger, and faster. He's been showing smug assholes like that was Jim Kirk can do since he was twelve. "I didn't like his attitude and he didn't like mine," the blond says simply. 

"Captain, I would very much like to have your help on the Vengeance," Khan says, "but frankly, I cannot have you getting into fights with my crew. And given your rather recalcitrant attitude in the weapons bay and now, I cannot trust that it won't happen again."

Jim's head whips back around and he gives Khan a look. "He picked a fight with me the minute he started treating me like some inferior being." 

"Did he treat you like an inferior being?" Khan asks quietly, face grave and holding back his anger.

"S'what I just said, isn't it?" Jim counters. 

"And yet, you snapped at me when I disciplined him for that very thing," Khan says, "as if it were some affront to you." 

"Because I'm not inferior and I don't need protecting," Jim points out. He wants to fold his arms over his chest, but he can't, and that just irritates him more. 

"And my actions were not meant to imply either," Khan says. "I am still the leader of the crew and my orders are to be obeyed. When they are not, it falls on my to discipline those who disobey them. To do otherwise is poor command." 

"You were trying to mother-hen me," Jim grumbles, snuffling with the dried blood still caked in his nose. 

"I would and will not tolerate any of your crew being treated in such a fashion," Khan says, not liking the implication of James' words. "And though I confess to feeling protective of you, as once you were protective of me, that has nothing to do with a belief that you are incapable of taking care of yourself. I am not sure you could argue the other way, however."

Jim sighs, trying to let go of his bad mood. "Put me to work somewhere else." Somehow, he feels that letting his injury get the best of him will be like letting Jocham win. 

Khan notes that is not a denial of his prior statement, nor is it anything particularly helpful as an answer. He also dislikes that James seems to think so little of Khan as a commander, even if that may be related to other aspects of James' life. "I had no intention of relieving you," he says with a hint of regret that James implied otherwise. 

"Clearly, that guy isn't interested in working with me. If he thinks humans are so useless and he's gonna attack me when I stand up to him, then why do you still want me working down there? You think we're gonna kiss and make up?" Jim asks incredulously. 

Khan's face darkens a little, and he says in a stern voice of his own, "I never implied any of those things, Captain. Nor do I care for what that means you think of me or mine. Jocham was an ass, and I will ensure that does not happen again. But you have chosen to take your anger out on me..."

There's a grinding sound as Jim works his teeth together, but then he blows out a breath. On some level, he knows Khan is right. He shouldn't be mad at Khan, but he's such an easy target. He's still got so many issues with him that he hasn't worked out, but now is also not the time for that. "I'm not mad at you," he finally says. 

Khan looks at him for a long moment and then nods slowly. "I hope you will accept my apology for my crewman's treatment of you. There is no excuse for his behavior."

"Yeah. It's fine." Well, maybe it's not fine at the moment, but it will be. Jim just needs time to cool his head. 

Khan can tell it is not fine, but decides to ignore that for the moment. "A return to Engineering would be a great help to us," he says. "Your skills would not be wasted there."

Jim nods in agreement. "Sure, just as long as they don't make me use my left arm too much." 

"Was Dr. McCoy unable to completely heal you?" Khan asks with genuine concern. "Perhaps you should rest awhile."

"A fractured bone isn't an instant fix. It's still gonna need to mend for a couple more days." The blond shrugs. It's not the worst he's ever had, not by a long shot. 

"But you wish to continue working despite the fact that your arm is not completely healed?" Khan asks dubiously. "Are you in pain?"

The blond rolls his shoulder experimentally, testing the movement. There's a bit of a sting, but it's nothing Jim can't handle. "Nah, I'm fine. Bones gave me some stuff." 

"Very well," Khan says with a slight nod. "Please report to Engineering. You may request whatever jobs you believe your arm can handle."

Jim hops off the bed then and gives Khan a salute. "Yessir." Then he turns and heads for the turbolift once again to resume his duties. 

Khan watches him go with a slightly regretful expression and then returns to the bridge, determined not to let this ruin his plans for the evening.  
~~~~~~~~

Bones sidles up to Jim sometime before dinner, after his long day at the Sickbay and raises an eyebrow at his friend. "Anything you want to tell me?"

Jim had been taking a nap, but the sound of the door opening roused him from his slumber before the doctor even walked in. He blinks up at the brunet and then he stretches, languid. "Why? I'm doing everything you told me."

"I told you to take back up with the man you accused of betraying us?" Bones asks and sits down next to Jim with a tired sigh. "I'm pretty sure I'd remember that."

"What?" That's a complete topic change from what Jim's sleepy still semi-drugged brain was prepared to deal with, so he's going to need a moment to change gears.

Bones rolls his eyes and stretches out comfortably next to Jim. "You really want me to repeat that?"

"I'm not denying that he lied to all of us," Jim says carefully. "He also got us on this ship and is taking us to safety."

"And you want to pick up with him where you left off with John?" Bones asks. "I know you cared a lot about John when he was sharing your bed."

"I am not picking up with him where I left off." Jim props himself up on one elbow to stare at Bones. "I'm not stupid." 

"So, what are you doing then?" Bones asks, looking right back at Jim, unbothered by his friend's stare.

The blond rolls his shoulders a little. "Giving him a chance to prove he's not an asshole."

Bones laughs softly at the words and says, "By having sex with him. Well, that's one way, I suppose. Seriously, Jim, what are you thinking?"

"There was absolutely no penetration," Jim insists. "It doesn't count as sex." In Jim's mind, that's the way it goes. 

"That's the stupidest thing you've ever said," Bones says decisively. "And it doesn't matter. What are you thinking, Jim? Do you plan to stay with this Khan?"

"I don't know. I mean... I think he likes me. He asked me to stay on with him, so that means something, right?" Jim sounds a little uncertain. He always is on matters of the heart. 

Bones eyes turn into saucers. "He asked you to stay with him?" he asks. "Yeah, that means something. Maybe you rubbed off on him a bit, too. Or a lot. Do you want to stay with him, though? I know he hurt you. He hurt all of us in a way..."

"I don't know yet, that's the thing. How do I trust somebody who was such a good liar that he had us all fooled for that long?" Jim wants to trust Khan, but it's sort of like trusting a Klingon to care for your pet goldfish. It's just not a good idea. 

"Well, do you believe what he told us about his reasons for doing what he did?" Bones asks. "I guess that's a good first place to start."

"I do, yeah. He came to my defense pretty quick when he found out Dickface attacked me." That's the way Jim saw it, at least.

"Which you no doubt thanked him for profusely," Bones says, knowing his friend rather too well." 

"I don't like being babied in front of other people," the blond grouses. "Especially my nemesis." 

"Right," Bones says. "I can totally see Khan babying anybody." He rolls his eyes again. "So, did you bitch him out instead of thanking him? Ten to one you tried to make him feel like an ass."

"I didn't bitch him out..." Jim's getting grumpy again. "Are you on his side now, or something?" 

Bones chuckles and shakes his head. "Well, I'm not getting much right now out of trying to be on your side. I come in to offer you a chance to talk about things and instead, all you do is grumble at me."

Jim gives him a skeptical look. "No, you came in to accuse me of having sex with him and then practically called me an idiot. That's not an offer to talk about things." He rolls his eyes. 

"Actually, no, the first thing I asked was if there was anything you wanted to tell me," Bones says. "Which you instantly deflected."

"I thought you were talking about work today. I was half-asleep. What do you expect?" Jim counters.

Bones sighs and says, "Then I'm asking you again. Will you please just give me a goddamn straight answer?"

Jim bristles. "I have. I told you, I don't know what I'm going to do. I haven't decided yet and I don't want to rush into making a stupid fucking decision that I'm going to regret." 

Bones sighs and rolls back off the bed. "Fine. I'm sorry I asked."

"I don't know what else you want me to tell you." Jim moves to the edge of the bed and sits up, rubbing his hand over his face tiredly.

Nothing, Jim. I said I'm sorry I asked. I shold know better than to ask anything personal," Bones says. "Dinner's being served in about fifteen minutes, if you want to join in." He exits the room and nearly bumps into Khan, who is standing just outside the door. "Excuse me," he says, side-stepping the augment. "Don't be expecting anything out of him tonight."

Khan looks confused at the words and hesitates now to seek entrance. He knows McCoy and James are close, and the other man's words do give him pause. Perhaps James wishes to be alone tonight. He was not at all friendly earlier.

Jim rolls onto his back and puts his arm over his eyes, groaning. He doesn't understand why his life is so incessantly complicated. One whole day where he doesn't have to worry about anything is too much to ask, apparently, and now he's got Bones hounding him for... Jim doesn't even know what. What the fuck was he supposed to say? 

As time is limited, Khan decides to try anyway and lightly knocks at the door. "Captain," he says, lest any of the others be listening, "may I come in?"

Jim looks at the door as if this is some sort of cosmic joke. "Sure. Come on in." But he doesn't move from where he's sprawled on the bed. 

Khan enters slowly and stops near the door, taking in the sight of James lounging in bed. "Forgive me if I have interrupted your rest. I wished to invite you to dinner, but if you need to sleep, I will go now."

"No, you haven't interrupted anything. I wasn't sleeping." Bones made certain of that, so Jim takes his arm off his face and waves for Khan to come in further. "I don't bite unless asked." 

Khan offers a half-smile at the words and approaches slowly. "Would you accompany me to dinner, Captain?" he asks, reverting to the more formal title in his current uncertainty. "I would be most grateful for your company."

Jim reaches out his hand and waves it in the air. "Help me up, then. What are we having?"

Khan takes his hand and pulls him up easily, his strength on display. "I have made a mulligatawny stew, one that you can east even with all your allergies."

"A mula-what-ny stew?" the blond asks, furrowing his brows and looking very confused as he tries to figure out what in the hell Khan just said. 

"Mulligatawny," Khan says. "It is a traditional Indian soup of chicken, tomato base, apple and rice." He keeps gentle hold of James' hand.

"You can put apple and tomato together? That sounds weird," Jim comments, but nonetheless reaches to open the door and let them out. It might sound weird, but he'll still eat it. 

"I have also made some naan and replicated chai. Unfortunately, the raw ingredients for chai are not easy to come by," Khan says, still holding James' hand. He does not lead him out, but keeps in step with him the whole way.

"Wait, wait. You're saying you actually cooked? Like.... with ingredients?" The captain's a little bit impressed by that, actually. He completely misses that they're getting odd looks from the crew again.

"You did ask me about my cooking abilities," Khan says. "I gave myself some time this morning to get together what I needed and made the soup, so it could simmer and gather flavor." He offers a smile that is almost like the shy ones John used to do.

Jim smiles a little bit in return and gives Khan's hand a squeeze. "I bet it'll be really good, then." He finds he actually means that, too. 

Pleased by James' reaction and friendly attitude, Khan lifts the hand to his mouth for a brief kiss across the knuckles, glad that they are leaving the Cargo Bay. "I made the soup in a small mess that we never use, if you don't mind dining alone."

Jim manages not to flush at that romantic-style kiss. "Don't mind at all." At least it would mean there wouldn't be a chance of Jim meeting up with Jocham again. He's not interested in seeing that guy's face today. 

"I'm glad," Khan admits with a pleased smile, one that lights his sometimes cold eyes. "I do like the chance to talk with you freely."

Jim has to let Khan lead the way on this. He doesn't know where the mess hall is that Khan's talking about. "It's not like you can't tell me what you're thinking any time, you know."

"Some things are personal and best left for private," Khan says, not adding that if James reacts negatively to anything he suggests or says, he would prefer not to be in front of others. "Besides, if you end up liking the soup, I can make you some dessert, as well."

"That can't be done in public, either?" Jim asks, wondering if Khan perhaps doesn't want his crew to know there's anything going on between them. "The mess has room for my cooking," Khan says. 

"And I can spill things everywhere, if need be." He wonders what James thought he meant.  
Jim is just a regular human, after all. 

Jim examines the walls of the corridor as they walk. "I doubt you'd spill things everywhere. Your reflexes are.... a lot better than I thought they were."

Khan's expression saddens for an instant. "Putting aside the untruths I told you, at least for the moment, do you mind that I am an augment?"

"No. Why would I?" The blond fixes his gaze back on Khan. "Just because I haven't had a chance to be part of Starfleet doesn't mean I'm a bigot."

"There are other reasons to dislike augments," Khan says quietly, "but I am glad that you do not care about that part of me." He opens the door to the mess and escorts James to a set table, not fancy, but cozy, somehow. "Would you like something additional to drink?"

"I'm guessing bourbon's right out, so coffee is fine." Jim wants the caffeine. He's still fighting off the last of the grogginess. 

"Bourbon is doable, if that is truly what you want," Khan says with a slight nod. He heads for some shelves and rummages around, pulling out a fine bottle. "This was something I stole from the Empire."

The captain makes himself comfortable, indiscriminately picking a chair and leaning back in it. "Good. Yeah, I'll have a glass of that." 

Khan pours him a shot and sets it in front of his bowl, which he then takes as well. He ladles a full bowl of the mulligatawny and sets that in front of James, as well. "I shall fetch the naan, which will defray what little spices are in the soup." He went to fetch the naan from the oven, putting together a full basket for the table.

Jim looks at the orange-brown soup and the chunks in it, but then he picks up his spoon and dips it in anyway. He sips at it experimentally, find that while, yes, it is a little bit spicy, it's actually pretty good. Full-bodied, or whatever. Fuck if he knows. He's not a gourmet. "S'pretty good. Thanks." And he takes a piece of the naan, too, and dips it into his soup before biting off a chunk...Ooh, that's very good. 

"I am glad you are pleased," Khan says, seating himself with his own bowl and a cup of chai. He takes a small bite and hums, pleased with the results of his efforts. "The apples are the hardest things to come by for this soup."

"How did you find actual apples?" Jim's wondering why Khan didn't replicate them, actually. That would have been easy. Maybe not as flavorful, but easy.

"There was a place in the Empire where we grew some, in secret, of course," Khan says. "It was destroyed by one of the Guls...another reason I decided to leave there with as many of my crew as possible."

"And the apples are still edible?" Jim figures that had to at least have been a year ago, before Khan came to the wreckage of the Enterprise. 

"There are ways of keeping them fresh," Khan says with a smile. "And ways of curing other pieces. That which is used in the soup can be dried, but I was expansive and used one of the few left fresh."

"The taste comes through. It's really nice," Jim says by way of showing his appreciation. He knows Khan's spoiled him with this.

"I am glad you like it," Khan says, obviously pleased. He waits for them to truly tuck into the meal, before he says, "I thought tomorrow you might serve on the bridge."

That seems to perk Jim up even more, and he lifts his head, eyebrows raising. "Yeah...?" He's guardedly optimistic about this. He really wants to, but he doesn't want to be given some menial task, either. 

"You were command track," Khan says, "and you have the natural talents of a leader. Besides, the bridge is a much more interesting place. Perhaps you can helm for a little while."

"I was going to be command track. Bit of a difference there, if you ask me," Jim points out. But he does want the chance to pilot, so he adds, "I've got good hand-eye coordination, though." 

"You are such a natural at command, it seems wrong that you did not even get that far," Khan says, "and piloting the Vengeance really is a straightforward task, provided nothing too exciting is going on. When we go through the wormhole, I will pilot."

Jim nods and then falls silent for a bit. He licks at his lower lip, obviously contemplating something, and then he finally decides to just say it. "I know this is a change of topic, but...why didn't you just tell me about all this before the Empire attacked?"

"I regret that now," Khan says, sorrow in his expression. "Originally, I did not know or care about you or your crew. And then I was worried about tipping our hand to the Empire. They would have left me there to rot and destroyed all of the augments had they received any scent of our plans." 

"And you didn't think it might help us to know what the hell was going on? Maybe half of my crew wouldn't have died," Jim growls out. Many of those people had considered John part of the family and died thinking he'd betrayed them. 

Khan raises his chin to take the words square and says softly, "I did think of that, as well. I had to weigh my choices. They were the lesser of two evils. But I will always carry the weight of those deaths on my conscience. And I did my best to save as many as I could. I prepared against the Empire in secret and fortified your defenses as much as possible without alerting them."

"So you knew when they were going to attack?" the blond asks, absolutely stunned by that revelation. 

"No, not when, just that eventually they would come," Khan says. "You had drawn attention to yourselves. If I had known more exactly...I would have warned you then, so the Empire would not have been alerted, but you might have prepared a little better."

That seems to make Jim come down from the edge and relax a little. He'd been about to tear Khan a new one if he'd known when the attack was going to happen. Then again...Khan is a master liar. "It's too bad you didn't. A lot of lives could have been saved."

"And all of my people would have been killed were the Empire to have learned," Khan says quietly.

Jim understands why Khan weighted his own people's lives above those in the Enterprise, but it doesn't mean that Jim has to agree with his point of view, so he goes back to quietly eating his soup. 

Khan says, "I do understand, James, why you may never be able to forgive me for what I found myself forced to do. Your crew means everything to you, as mine does to me. It was merely the worst of chance that you came to mean as much."

The blond snorts at that, clearly not impressed. "Sure, it would have been a lot better if we'd all died down there, for sure." 

"I meant for me," Khan says stiffly. "Since then your deaths hurt as much as my own crew's, and I will have to live with the pain and guilt of them all. You really think so little of me..."

"I don't know what to think of you," Jim snaps. "It's not like you've exactly been honest with me from the get-go, is it?" 

"Well, then the end of this voyage will be a blessing for you," Khan says, "as you will no longer need to trouble." He returns to his food, tearing a piece of naan bread a little more violently than necessary.

"You can't expect me to trust you when you've just proven yourself a master con artist. You're a completely different person than I thought you were, and I'm supposed to just magically ignore that?" Jim counters, tone accusatory and combative. 

Khan finishes his soup and stands to discard the bowl, along with the remains of his chai. "Would you care for any more?" he asks.

"No," comes the clipped reply. Jim hasn't finished his soup, but he pushes it away, nonetheless. He's lost his appetite. "Thanks for the meal." He stands up then, figuring he should probably just show himself out. 

Khan inclines his head to James and says, "I will escort you back to the Cargo Bay if you wish, or you may go on your own, if you prefer."

Jim's not particularly inclined to spend any more time in Khan's company right now. He's pissed off all over again about the deaths of his crew and how Khan lied to him about everything. Fuck, he'd been stupid enough to think that maybe he'd found one good thing in the whole mess his life had become and it turned out to be the biggest farce yet. "No, don't worry about it. I can find my own way." Then he's out the door and gone. 

Khan shuts his eyes and forces himself to clean up everything carefully. He feels a slight gratefulness that he did not waste ingredients on dessert. He would extend James- Jim- the Captain- the invitation to the bridge tomorrow, but that would be the end of their meetings. The wounds were too fresh and strong to heal in the small allotted time. In a few moments, he returns to the bridge himself, putting his mind back into his duties and the well-being of his crew, where they belonged.  
~~~~~~~~

Bones thanks the Vengeance's computer for its amazing tracking system, but curses that Jim is hiding somewhere so goddamn narrow and hard to get to. He makes a lot of noise coming, not wanting to startle his friend. And when he finally comes up to him, he sits down quietly next to him and waits.

Immediately after his frankly terrible rendezvous with Khan, Jim could feel his walls crumbling. There's been so much shit lately, and he hasn't had the chance to mourn anything; not the death of his crew, not the figurative death of John, not the loss of the place that had come to be his home. He could feel himself teetering on the edge of collapse, so he'd squirreled himself away into the smallest, most remote corner of the maintenance tunnels that he could and he'd just let everything out. 

By the time Bones finds him, he's collapsed down against the wall of the narrow tunnel, eyes puffy and red, knuckles bloody and matching streaks on the wall. He's exhausted, solemn-faced, and still snuffling slightly. It takes a while, but he eventually turns his head just enough that he can glance over at Bones' knee, not daring to make eye contact with him. "Hey."

Bones carefully puts an arm over Jim's shoulders, alert for any sign that his friend doesn't want that kind of comfort yet. "So, I'm guessing things didn't go very well," he starts.

Instead of pulling away, Jim leans into Bones' embrace, rubbing at his nose and staring at the floor. He shakes his head slightly, forlorn. "Nope."

Bones moves closer and offers Jim even more support. "Want to tell your friend about it?" he asks.

The blond shrugs apathetically, but then he starts talking anyway, voice thick and still a little uncertain. "It went well up until I asked him why he didn't tell us who he really was. Then it just sort of turned into a fight." 

"What did he say?" Bones asks, curious. He tightens his arm around his friend, hating to see him like this, but figuring his friend needed the release.

"Basically, that he didn't tell us because he chose the safety of his crew over us. He didn't want the Empire getting wind of his plans." Sure, Khan can get pissed at Jim all he likes for thinking bad things about him, but the fact of the matter remains that Khan didn't even consider that maybe if he'd just told Jim everything, they could have worked things out together. 

"Ah. I can see why you'd be angry about that," Bones says. "I'm sorry, Jim. I liked how happy you were before all this. Yeah, things were rough, and you were dealing with a lot, but it was good to see something make you smile."

Jim's jaw quivers just a bit. "He's a stranger now." 

"A stranger you're angry at and don't want to get to know," Bones hazards, gently trying to feel his way with his upset friend.

"I try to get to know him and it just blows up in my face. The more I know, the less I like, and I don't know what to do, Bones." Jim sucks in a sniffling breath through his nose and rubs at his eyes. "I had something good, something I wanted, and now it's just...completely ruined."

Bones wishes he'd thought to bring a handkerchief. "He's not the man you cared for, Jim. No shame in that. It always hurts to let go of a relationship. I still miss the ex- sometimes, when I don't think about the way we didn't like each other at the end, either."

"I didn't want him to be my ex!" Jim yells, another sudden rush of emotions and grief coming to the forefront. He pulls his knees up to his chest and takes a deep breath, quieting himself down and wrapping his arms around his legs. "I want John back. Khan is an asshole." 

Bones makes a comforting noise, one perfected on his daughter, when she was alive, and pulls Jim closer to his strong chest. "I know, Jim. I want them all back."

The blond unfurls once more and crawls into Bones' lap so he can cling to him for a while. He'd thought he was done crying for the night, but apparently not. Soon, the doctor's shirt is damp with Jim's silent tears. "I miss them, too."

Bones doesn't complain about the solid weight, allowing a few mournful tears of his own to escape. He, too, had lost good friends and family to the Empire. "But we're still here, Jim. And it looks like things are going to get better. At last."

"Yeah. You can put your feet back on solid ground and start up a practice again. Everybody's got things they wanted to do and now they'll have a chance." 

"Jim," Bones reprimands lightly, "you know I'm going where you go, right?"

The blond shakes his head. "You've gotta do your own thing while you can, Bones. I don't even know what I'm going to do. I've never had a real job. I never went to college. I'm not good at anything except telling people what to do."

"Idiot," Bones says fondly. "You're a genius with brass balls and a way with people. And I'm not going to put down roots and let you wander off alone. Ain't happening. So shut up about it." 

"I was alone for a long time," Jim murmurs. "I did alright." If 'alright' consisted of constant bar fights and suicidal thoughts. 

"And now you're not going to be alone, and you'll do better," Bones says. "I wasn't too happy by myself, Jim. You made my life a hell of a lot happier, ya know."

Jim clings to him a little more, setting his chin on Bones' shoulder. "I'm starting to think I should have tried wooing you, instead." He manages a small smile. 

Bones snorts and says, "Unfortunately, darling, I only ever swung the one way, but I'm flattered anyway." He fluffs Jim's hair a little.

There's a silence that descends while Jim lets himself breathe deeply, mellowing out bit by bit until everything's left him except exhaustion. "I'm tired," he finally murmurs.

"Yeah, me, too, kid," Bones agrees. "Want to stagger back to our rooms? We can share for a night, for old time's sake." 

"Okay." Jim readily agrees to that. If Bones hadn't suggested it, Jim would have pleaded him for it, anyway. He doesn't want to be alone tonight, so he disentangles himself from the doctor and gets to his feet, feling like his whole body is made of lead. The energy has been sapped right out of him and the weariness shows. 

Bones climbs up next to him and puts a companionable arm around his shoulders, also offering support. "I always slept better when you were around anyway. Made sure I knew you weren't getting into any trouble."

"Like accidentally flinging myself off the saucer, like that one time?" The blond manages a tired smirk, heading back through the winding corridors with the doctor in tow. "How did you even find me here, anyway?"

"I know you so very well, Jim, and I spent a lot of time looking before I realized the damn computer could just tell me," Bones says with a bit of a chagrined smile.

"Cheater," Jim teases before he lets go of Bones so he can slide down the ladder to the decking below.

Bones follows and says, "Well, this ship is damned huge, and you could have been anywhere."

"Pretty easy to guess I'd be as far away from Khan as I could," Jim murmurs, frowning a little. His expression fades back to neutral soon enough, though. It's too tiring to keep frowning. He picks his way back to the turbolift and tells it to take them down to the cargo bay.

"So, does that mean you're done with Khan then?" Bones asks, tilting a curious look toward his friend.

Jim tips his head back until it thuds against the turbolift wall dully. "It would be stupid to start a relationship with somebody I've only known for two days."

"That's not an answer," Bones says, "and like it or not, you have a relationship with him. Not a healthy one, but a relationship anyway."

"How can I have a relationship with him? I don't even know him," Jim comments pointedly. He lifts his head when the turbolift door opens and then he steps out into the cargo bay, heading straight for his quarters. He knows he looks like shit, which is why he's making a beeline for cover before anybody takes notice of him. 

Bones keeps up with his friends long strides by trotting a little bit. "So, you're not going to interact with him anymore then?" he asks again, not sure what to think of Jim's answers so far.

Once they're in Jim's room and Jim can close the door behind them, he starts stripping out of his clothes, not worried about modesty. "I don't know, Bones," he says for what feels like the hundredth time. "Nothing about this is straightforward, except the fact that I can't trust him."

Bones removes his own clothes a little more slowly, not that he has any modesty around his old friend, either. "All right, Jim. No need to get angry at me. You just seem confused, and I'm trying to help you find a path forward. There's not a lot of options, but you ought to decide on one."

Jim flops down onto the bed in just his boxers and worms his way under the blankets. "Right now, I don't want much to do with him." 

Bones moves to lay down next to him, similarly clad, though in clean boxer. He nods once and says, "All right then. Goodbye, Khan. Seems like a good plan to me."

"Yeah..." Jim murmurs, but he doesn't sound quite as confident. "Night, Bones." 

"Sleep well, Jim," Bones says and turns over, shutting his eyes and falling almost instantly to sleep.  
~~~~~~~~

Khan dresses in his most formal outfit, trying to help put himself in the correct mindset for the leader of the augments. He made an offer to the captain at dinner and will keep his word, though the other man may reject him outright at this point. Still, he proceeds down to the Cargo Bay and calmly presents himself to the group, knowing the captain will appear in his due time. And Khan is prepared to be made to wait a little while. That much, he will do without complaint.

Jim is roused from his slumber by a knocking at the door and Scotty's familiar voice telling him that Khan is waiting for him. Not the most pleasant wake-up Jim's ever had, but he nudges doctor anyway. "'Nes... Bones. Gotta get up," he mumbles.

Bones yawns and says sleepily, "Nobody's looking for me. I'm staying right here for now." 

"People are gonna start thinking we're fucking," Jim grumbles, though it's not really a complaint. They already went through those rumors and came out the other side a long time ago. He crawls over the brunet, careful not to knee him in the balls, and trudges around to find his clothes and then his bathroom stuff. Then he heads out to the communal washroom so he can wash up and have a shower. 

Khan indeed ends up waiting, though he notices the captain heading for the shower. 

It takes Jim about fifteen minutes to get himself back to a state of presentability and then he comes out to see Khan. There are still circles under his eyes, but he can't do anything about that right now, so he simply tries to straighten himself and hold his head high. "What can I do for you?" he asks, equally formal in response to Khan's new dress code. 

"Captain, I am here to ask if you would still be interested in serving a shift on the bridge," Khan says, polite and cool. He notices the tiredness in Jim's expression and knows he would look the same, without his augmentations. "There will be few enough additional opportunities before we arrive."

A look of surprise passes across Jim's face before he can hide it. Obviously, that's not something he was expecting. "Alright," he says, if only because he wants to see what the bridge of the Vengeance looks like. 

Khan nods and turns toward the doors, though he keeps his stride carefully even with the captain's. "If you like, this would be an excellent opportunity to navigate the ship and get a feeling for her controls."

"Presuming, of course, that I'll be staying." Jim's outlook on that is fairly grim right now. Sleep hasn't done anything to make him feel more comfortable around Khan, but at least he doesn't feel on the verge of mental collapse anymore. 

"No, if you will pardon," Khan corrects with complete blandness, "assuming you are not staying and this will one of a few chances."

"Ah." That's all Jim says. There's really nothing much else to say, so the rest of the trip in the turbolift falls to silence. 

"The offer to remain is not revoked, however," Khan says. "And extends to other members of your crew, of course."

"I'll be sure to let them know," the blond replies, tone neutral. Then, when the turbolift doors open to the bridge, Jim steps out and surveys the territory. 

It's smaller than he imagined. Darker, despite the bright lighting. Maybe it's the black metal that just seems to absorb all the light. It's not like the Enterprise, whose halls, even destroyed and dirty, still seemed bright and hopeful. This place is obviously meant to be a war machine; a harbinger of destruction.

Khan walks to the chair and smiles slightly at Joaquin, who offers a salute of old, before he heads out to attend to other matters. That leaves Khan with the captain alone. "This ship is designed to run with only one person," he says, "and right now, the piloting is on automatic. Would you care to man the helm?" He sits in the chair and begins to run through the logs.

Jim really wasn't expecting to be alone with Khan up here. He was expecting other crew members. A helmsman, a comm officer, a science officer, at the very least, but now it's just him and Khan and the awkwardness between them. "...Right. Sure," the blond finally says as he moves to the console and examines it before sitting down. 

Khan sighs and says, "Please, Captain, all I ask is that we manage a few hours on the bridge in relative peace. I will make no demands on you, nor any unwanted advances. You can explore the bridge and ask anything you want or nothing at all. Leave at any time. Whatever you prefer."

"Why do you still call me that?" Jim asks, looking up at the Augment. He's not Khan's captain. Apparently, he never was. 

"It is not an unfair title for you," Khan says. "You are a natural leader and the one your people turn to. I could call you many a similar term to mark your position, but captain suits you. A captain you are, even without the ship."

Jim stares at the console, taking in the various buttons and controls, even as he thinks about what to say to Khan. "If nothing changes, I'm really not going to stay, you know." 

"Yes, I know," Khan says quietly and clenches his teeth against the sudden shock of loneliness those words cause, even though Jim and his own crew are still there in the moment. But the future looms even larger on the horizon, brighter for the lives of his remaining crew and for Jim and his people, but dimmer for the fact that Khan will be alone. Khan and the Vengeance and whatever his orders may be. And because there is nothing left to lose but a few scraps of pride, he asks, "What would need to change?"

Jim thinks on that for a bit, idly moving his fingers over the controls to disengage the autopilot. "You'd need to convince me I can trust you, for one thing, even just for long enough that I'm going to want to stay and find out if it lasts for the long term. Last night, all you managed to do was convince me that you're in it for you and your crew and that's it. I can't trust you with my life or the life of my crew." 

Khan does not bother pointing out again that he saved as many of Jim's crew, including the man himself, as he could when the Empire came. His actions before were enough to render that immaterial, or at least insufficient, to the other man. So what good are words now? He cannot prove anything by them. The task set before him is impossible. "I am sorry you think that," he says. "I would that it were otherwise."

"Me, too," Jim replies quietly, not taking his eyes off the console, but not really seeing anything, either. "But I won't go through a betrayal like that again." 

Khan holds back a series of noises at that comment, wondering how he is going to betray anyone to at this point. "No. Of course not."

It's not just about the Empire for Jim; it's also about the fact that Khan made Jim like him because he was a completely different person. He's nothing like John now. Jim doesn't want to like him again only to find out it's just been another lie. So, he falls into silence and simply sets about learning the controls of the Vengeance. 

The time passes somewhar slowly as they fly through space, but at least an hour go by before Khan speaks again, "Would you like to try any other stations, as long as you are on the bridge?"

Jim rubs at the back of his neck, unsure if he should accept or not, but he eventually flips the ship back to autopilot. She's not difficult to steer, that's for sure, especially not for someone of Jim's intuitive intelligence. He lifts himself out of his chair and glances around at the other stations, trying to figure out what ones, if any, he wants to try. He meanders around from console to console, and he eventually settles on the science station, looking at all the displays and readings as the ship passively scans her surroundings. 

"The wormhole gives off by a very faint signature, invisible unless you know for what you are looking," Khan says, not turning toward the captain. "However, the Vengeance's computer is programmed to look for those traces. We should be just in sensor range. Is there anything showing up on the scans, Captain?"

Jim shakes his head. "Nothing yet on the short-range. Give me a sec." He fiddles with the controls for a moment before he figures out how to change from passive to active scans and widen the search. "Yeah, I see it. It's at 35.46.06.85."

"We are not many hours from it now," Khan says and looks at his chronometer. "The sight of the wormhole opening is a thing of wonder. I would suggest that your crew might enjoy watching from one of the observation lounges on the aft deck."

"After we get through the wormhole, how long will it take to get to the settlement?" Jim asks, wanting to know exactly how long he's going to be on this ship with Khan. 

"I am uncertain as the the exact timeline of the rebels plan to contact us," Khan says. "On that, they keep their own counsel. However, I would expect a mere few hours and no longer. Or they may be waiting for us when we come through the wormhole. With them, it is hard to say. I would not expect that you will accompany us to the settlement."

"So, basically, we have maybe six hours." That's no time at all, really. Jim's not sure what he thinks of that. 

"It all depends on the rebels," Khan says, "but I would say a little more than that. We have made good time, and there is no sign of the Empire. If there were, we would have to keep going to ensure that they did not learn the location of the wormhole. However, once we meet the rebels, I would imagine you will find that your welcome is much warmer than that of mine or my people's."

"I thought you said you had a settlement of your own already?" The blond tips his head to the side slightly, brows knitting together as he tries to figure out if Khan's been lying to him again. 

"The rebels have allowed us to settle on a M class planet within their region of control," Khan says with a nod, not saying that it was on the edge of hospitable and might easily tip over the other way. But it was theirs, a place to build a home until they slowly died out. Not much, just freedom, which is more than they ever anticipated anyway. "However, they are not exactly overjoyed by our presence, nor have they included us in their plans overall."

"Guess it's hard to trust people who are led by a known tyrant," Jim comments idly, looking out at the view of space beyond, vast and seemingly empty, with the occasional star in the distance. "Why are you taking the Vengeance back out, anyway?"

Khan feels a wave of cold fury sweep through him and says, "Augments have never been welcomed, anywhere at any time. Hate me all you want, Captain, but do not presume to think you know anything about my people. As for myself, in exchange for the colony my people have received, the safe haven within the rebel's territory, I will take the Vengeance back into Empire space and wage what will essentially be a one-man war against them. I shall have some specific missions sent to me from the rebel command, and my following of them will guarantee the safety of my crew."

Even without the words, Khan's tone tells Jim that the Augment is angry. That's fine. Anger, Jim can deal with. Anger is pure and primal, predictable and without lies. He looks over at Khan levelly, not at all intimidated. "So, instead of bringing your own crew on a suicide mission, you wanted to bring me and my crew, instead," he summarizes. "Noble of you."

"My people are not allowed to stay with me," Khan says, "but I believe you would have been, had you desired it. I have no belief that this will be a suicide mission, merely a long, lonely existence. Forgive me for asking you to brighten it for me: you and your crew." His anger melts away, replaced by bitter tiredness. 

"Staying with you requires more trust than I've got to give." Jim shakes his head, caught between feeling bad for Khan and thinking that the guy brought it on himself. "I don't want to be your entertainment. I'm not your plaything anymore, even if I was for nearly a year."

"My plaything," Khan echoes, disbelief and hurt in the words. He shakes his head and goes back to his readings. 

"Plaything," Jim repeats, just to prove that Khan didn't hear wrong. "You toyed with me and my emotions the entire time you were there."

"And now then, you are getting a little of your own back," Khan says. "Very well, Captain, if that is what you like. You best get in all that you need to now, for as you say, time is running out for you to spill your anger and vitriol at me." 

"What, you think I'm fucking with your emotions?" Jim asks, incredulous, and rises from his station, standing up and taking an aggressive posture. "You're the asshole who lied to me for ten and a half months. You got me to actually like you by crafting some fabricated personality where you pretended like you needed me. You wrote the fucking book on messing with someone's head!"

"John Harrison was a fiction I created to be as inoffensive as possible," Khan says. "That you liked him..." He makes a strange noise in the back of his throat. "That you liked him was the height of painful irony, since I grew to care for you. And I knew you would hate Khan. I have tried to explain, but your mind and heart are closed to me."

"No. Don't you fucking dare." Jim takes a step forward, tone angry and lips pulling taught as he barely manages to keep from snarling at him. "If you actually gave a shit about me or what you knew would happen when the truth came out, you'd have shared some of your real personality with me instead of keeping up that fucking lie and letting me believe it."

"You think none of that was me? My intelligence? My hard work at all the systems that barely operated? My standing by your side when you had to make hard decisions? My not letting all of you die?"

"It's not like I actually know you enough to tell, is it?" Jim spits, stepping away from his station and towards Khan once more. "You took away the one good thing I had and all of my good memories and replaced them with excuses and regret."

"Well then we are even," Khan snaps, "for you have fouled all that should have been sweet for me. My family is all I have ever had in my entire life. And I have watched most of them die, in droves and individuals, until all there are left were but a handful. I have planned for years, years, to make come true the reality now. This moment should have been one of final triumph, to know that they shall be free. So take heart, Captain, that your revenge is every bit as foul as whatever I have done to you."

"Great. Eye for an eye and all that," Jim grits out, not at all feeling like any of this is at all the same. "You're the one who decided to sacrifice everything, all by yourself. You're the one that didn't want to share anything. You're the one that let me watch my crew die. So, yeah. Pretty sure you can fucking wallow around in that pit you dug all you fucking want." Jim makes a sharp, dismissive gesture and turns on his heel, heading for the turbolift. Much as the Vengeance is an interesting ship, and he wants to pretend like he's captaining her, it's not worth putting up with the self-righteous asshole that's taken the place of his lover.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Khan watches the wormhole flare to a close behind the Vengeance, even as the three rebels ships (no match for the Vengeance, but a sign that the rebels took them seriously) approach and signal. A Vulcan appears on the screen, the same Spock that Khan has dealt with multiple times before. And the terms are the same, except that Jim's crew are unexpected. Welcome, if their identities hold true, but the rebels are cautious in all things. Khan respects that and agrees to bring the leader of the group, Jim, over to Spock's ship directly.

Which leaves him the unpleasant task of fetching the other man.

Khan goes to Engineering, where the man is working again and approaches quietly, stopping some distance away. "Captain Kirk," he says.

Jim bristles almost immediately and his crew seem to pick up on it, eyeing Khan warily. Jim sets his spanner down, rubbing his hands on his pants to clean them a little before he turns around to face the Augment. "Mr. Singh. What a pleasant surprise." 

"The rebels have requested to meet with you," Khan says, ignoring the reactions of everyone around him. "They are delighted to hear of your coming, but are naturally cautious. They wish to speak with you and per my contact, Mr. Spock, help determine where you wish to go and do."

Jim nods a little and approaches, giving Khan an unreadable look before he brushes past him to head for the turbolift. "Not a problem." 

Khan follows and heads in silence to the transporter room. He programs the computer and then steps on the pad. The beam takes them directly and they appear on the other ship, Spock and a group of four armed Vulcans waiting for them. He bows once to the group, turns to show that he is unarmed and gestures to his companion. "This is James T. Kirk, late of Earth, and the leader of the group I mentioned."

Spock's eyes turn toward the human, and he says, "Peace and long life, James Kirk. There is much we would ask you."

Jim blinks at the Vulcans. That's definitely not what he was expecting, but he recognizes their race on sight. He's never met a Vulcan in person, but he'd seen them in the news before the world went to shit. He nods at the man -- tall and attractive, strong and fit, with delicately pointed ears, eyebrows that almost look angry, and a very, very unfortunate haircut -- and makes the ta'al in response, like he remembers seeing on the TV. "Live long and prosper, Mr. Spock. I'm certainly willing to answer your questions." 

"Come then, Mr. Kirk," Spock says, "and we will converse. Mr. Singh, I must ask that you remain with the guards until we are satisfied. I am sure you understand."

"It is only logical," Khan answers, though there is a hint of bitter weariness about him.

Jim follows the Vulcan through their ship -- unsurprisingly very clean and precise, but somehow elegant -- to what he assumes is the ready room. He gets grilled on everything: the names of his crew, their tasks, their personalities, if there were any discrepancies or issues, if there were any newcomers after the group's initial founding, what experiences they'd had with the Empire, and a number of other subjects. It's an exhaustive and very thorough interrogation and by the time Mr. Spock is finished with him, Jim's not sure if he's left a good impression or not. The guy is absolutely blank-faced. 

"And now, Mr. Kirk, there is one more thing I must ask," Spock says. "How is it that you came to be with Mr. Singh and his crew?"

Jim lets out a weary breath, but he begins explaining, anyway. "He wasn't Khan Noonien Singh when I met him. He joined with us about a year ago under the name John Harrison. He was just another crewmember until the Empire launched an attack against us, and that's when I found out who he really was. We managed to fight the Empire off, but I lost a good portion of my crew. Khan took the survivors on board the Vengeance." 

"Why would he do so?" Spock asks Jim, since that does not seem like a very logical thing for the augment to do. Certainly, the Vengeance can easily support the added passengers, but taking enemies with you seems strange.

Jim falls silent. He actually doesn't have an answer for that, though he tries to supply one, anyway. "Sentimentality, maybe. Or maybe he felt he owed us for having lied to us for so long. Or maybe he was just using us as an excuse so the Empire would leave him alone long enough for him to get out of range." Jim shrugs.

Spock stares at him for a long time and then steeples his fingers together. "You suggest that you have some sway over Mr. Singh?"

"Not much. We're kind of at odds right now," Jim vaguely explains. 

Spock's right eyebrow rises, and he says, "Explain, Mr. Kirk. If he has wronged you in some way..."

Jim blows a breath out of his nose, not really wanting to try to have this conversation with a Vulcan. "I'm pissed off at him because he lied to us for so long." 

Spock cants his head at these words and says, "He has brought you with him then as an atonement for his actions?"

"I don't know. He says it's because he likes me and the rest of the crew, but he also pretended to be somebody completely different for a year, so it's hard to know." Jim rubs along the ridge of his eyebrow. 

"Fascinating," Spock says and then changes the subject as quickly. "Now that you have been brought to freedom from the Empire, Mr. Kirk, you will find that there are many path from which your crew, along with yourself, may choose. If you are as you claim you are."

The blond nods at that. "I know and they know. They've had a few days to think about what sort of career paths they'd like to go into. I'd like those to be honored as much as possible." 

"Everyone will find a role here, Mr. Kirk. Our war against the Empire has finally begun to turn in our favor, and the Vengeance will only increase our percentages," Spock says. "Mr. Singh's decision to defect from the Empire will prove most profitable, if he keeps his word."

"As long as you don't threaten his people, I'm sure he will. They're all he cares about," Jim remarks, as if it's of no consequence to him whatsoever.

Spock's eyebrow raises again, and he says in that same tone, "Precisely. His crew's freedom and safety are the reasons he will do as we request. Not that he values the Empire."

Jim snorts. "Nobody values the Empire. Anybody who upholds it is only interested in themselves. Or murder." 

"There are a great many who have profited from the Empire at the expense of others," Spock says. "Is there anything you would ask of me, Mr. Kirk?"

"Just make sure my crew are taken care of. They've been through a lot. I want them to have a chance to be happy." The blond smiles a little. He can't help but picture Bones grouching at people in his little clinic or Scotty tinkering away on shuttlecraft without being under threat of imminent invasion. Those are good thoughts. 

"And for yourself?" Spock asks, genuinely curious about the other man.

Jim thinks about that for a moment before he licks at his lower lip and speaks. "I want to be a captain. I've been playing at one for so long, it would be hard to quit." 

"Indeed," Spock says, hiding a bit of surprise. "We do have a few small ships that need repair and crews. Would your group perhaps be willing?"

"Yeah, I think they would," Jim replies, sounding confident. He is, fairly. He doesn't know how many will come with him, but he's sure that, if given a chance, some would prefer that to a life in a refugee camp. Of course, if none of them want to, that's alright, too. "I'd have to talk it over with them, obviously."

"Of course," Spock says, "and that would be a most useful way to spend your time for the next few days. And now, if you have no further questions, I would speak to Mr. Singh about the transport of the rest of the augments to their colony."

Jim stands and gives the Vulcan a nod. "I'll let him know you want to talk to him." He heads out of the room, then, makes his way back down the corridors until he finds Khan again. 

"Mr. Spock wants to talk to you," Jim informs him, though his tone isn't as acerbic as before. Speaking with Spock has helped him figure out his options. 

Khan glances at the other Vulcans, one of whom gestures that he may move to see Mr. Spock. "Thank you, Mr. Kirk," he says and vanishes down the hall. About an hour goes by before he returns, demeanor even stiffer than before and a hint of anger around his mouth and eyes. He gets on the transporter and waits for Kirk to join him.

"Wonderful," Jim thinks. He figures Spock relayed some of the information he'd told him to Khan, so as he steps onto the transporter pad and the lights begin to swirl around them, he braces himself for a shitstorm. 

As they reappear on the Vengeance, Khan nods once to Kirk and says, "I must speak with my crew. Mr. Spock informs me that you will be remaining aboard for a few days. It will become necessary for your crew to take over the duties of my crew immediately, if there is no objection."

"Not much choice, really. I don't think any of us would actually trust this ship to run itself." Jim shrugs and steps off the transporter, already heading for the door. "I'll let them know." 

Khan watches him go only for a second and then calls his crew to the transporter room for the unhappy tidings. The Vengeance and he will not be taking them on. The Vulcans have decided to ferry them, split into smaller parties, on the ships now surrounding them. They will send back word of their arrival to Khan. There is a mere hour to gather their belongings and say their goodbyes. Khan determines to wait for them there.

As they reappear, he bids each of them individually their farewells and then finally, as a group. When they vanish off the transporter in their little huddles, he allows himself to slump wearily, no longer needing to hold his head and shoulders tall, back straight. He looks the tired, lost man he is, alone in the universe.

Jim, meanwhile, has simply been glad there wasn't a shitstorm like he was expecting. He'd thought Khan was going to yell at him for...well, quite a few things, actually, but then there had simply been the instruction to put his crew to work and that had been it. He supposes the man is busy with other distractions. Jim's fine with that. He's since directed his own remaining crew to their various stations around the ship and has gone up to the bridge to be the captain he's always wanted to be, at least temporarily. It feels good to sit in that chair. 

After a little while, Khan goes to find Kirk and discovers him in the captain's chair on the bridge, which negates Khan asking him if that is something he would like to do. A part of him is angry at the presumption, the cold-heartedness of the thing, but the anger flickers out tiredly. "As long as you are already at the post, Captain," he says, "I would ask if you wish to keep your place while we remain here."

Jim looks up when he hears Khan's voice and doesn't look at all apologetic for sitting in the chair. He's never felt like Khan was his captain and doesn't respect the man's position as such, so he simply shrugs. "I'll move if you wanna sit here. Seems I might be getting my own ship, anyway." 

"I will sit there soon enough," Khan says quietly. "If you would be willing to do me the small kindness, I shall leave you and your crew in charge of the Vengeance until the rebels have decided what to do with you. My crew is...gone."

It's the very fact that Khan seems so reminiscent of John right now that makes Jim soften. It cuts at him, to be so reminded of someone he misses so much that he can't keep himself from sympathizing. "Sure. Take whatever time you need." 

"Whatever time they take to determine that you will be valuable to them and against the Empire," Khan says. "They will be swift, I am sure, as your record is clean. If you have any need of me, I will be in my quarters when I am not surveying the ship." He needs to do a full sweep before he takes the Vengeance out alone and trusts his eyes more than just the ship's sensors. "But I doubt you will have any need."

Jim doesn't say anything to that. There's not much he can say. He doesn't know how things are going to end, though it doesn't seem promising for either of them. He nods his understanding and then turns his attention back to the bridge and his own crew. 

Khan leaves the bridge quietly and heads for his own room, allowing there the tears he has denied himself all of his life.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Khan sits cross-legged on the floor of his quarters, garbed only in a light pair of pants. He attempts an old form of meditation to quiet his mind, but the effort proves fruitless, everything weighing too heavily on him. His eyes are red and dry, proving that even an augment can be overwhelmed by emotion. Wouldn't his creators laugh if they could see the mighty Khan now?

Thus absorbed in his own miseries, the door chime actually startles him. Slowly climbing to his feet, he answers, knowing there is only one person it can be and not exactly looking forward to having his solitude thus interrupted. "Captain," he greets the other man, without any kind of emotion, as the door reveals his one time lover.

Jim just stares at him for a moment. There's a tell-tale flush to his cheeks that gives away his drunken state, though he's steady on his feet. To Jim, this isn't Khan standing in front of him. This is John, broken and hurting, and Jim steps into the room and wraps him in a tight, wordless hug. 

Khan makes a slight sound of start, his second in so many moments, and then puts his hands gently on the other man's shoulders, unsure. "Captain?" he asks, confusion in his tone.

"Shut up," Jim commands him, though it's without any bite, and grapples onto Khan more tightly, seemingly trying to force him to accept the consolation.

Khan steps back to let the doors close behind his visitor and pauses for a brief moment, before wrapping his arms around Jim. He shuts his eyes and allows himself to accept the comfort, even though he is not sure why it is being offered. He catalogs everything about the man in his grasp, memorizing the details. "Thank you," he whispers finally.

"You're lonely, and you miss them," the blond offers as explanation. He doesn't like seeing Khan hurting like this. He seems so fragile, so like the man Jim thought he was. 

"They are gone from me," Khan chokes out, the words hard to say. "All of them. I am alone." He feels a few tears struggle out of his eyes; they hurt a little in the rawness.

"The important thing is that they're not dead. They've gone to start up new lives." Jim rubs at Khan's back and nuzzles at his cheek, the bourbon in his system making him a little more bold with his affections. 

"I will still miss them," Khan admits, "and wish that I might also have a new life. I am tired of this one."

"That's why you're taking the Vengeance, isn't it?" the blond asks, a little confused.

"What do you mean?" Khan asks, nuzzling the soft hair at his nose and indulging in Jim's scent while it was so freely offered.

"Well, once you're finished your missions, you get to go back and join your people, right? Start a new life for yourself?" Jim clarifies, pressing a little closer. This is comforting for him, too. Things have been so stressful that it's easier just to pretend that they're Jim and John again. 

"No," Khan says. "That was not the bargain I struck for our freedom. Perhaps the rebels will allow it someday, but no time in the foreseeable future." He strokes Jim's back tenderly, the way he knows his lover enjoys.

Jim furrows his brows at that, more confused now. "So, you're just supposed to, what, captain the Vengeance for eternity?"

"Even I will hardly live that long," Khan says with a wry chuckle. "Perhaps one day I will simply be ordered into an unwinnable situation. You are not the only one who does not like Khan Noonien Singh."

"I like this side of him," Jim murmurs softly, refusing to unclasp his hands from around the Augment. 

Khan sighs and eases himself to a sitting position on the bed, not breaking either of their holds. "And what side is that?"

Jim settles himself into Khan's lap, nibbling lightly at the man's jaw, trying to work the tension out of the brunet's system. "The side that's not an asshole."

Khan actually snorts a laugh at that comment and says with a hint of amusement, "I wasn't trying to be one."

"It just happens that way sometimes," the blond replies with all the sagacity of an inebriated man. 

"Why did you seek me out then?" Khan asks, sliding a hand under Jim's tunic to seek out warm skin for his touch and memory.

You were being all..." Jim tries to think of the appropriate word, but fails, "...John-ish." He doesn't mind that touch, either, sinking into it like melting butter. 

No sense pretending that doesn't hurt, but the pain is all mired up in the rest of it, so just accepts that and keeps hold of Jim. He is not rich enough in pride or friends right now not to take what he can get. "Even augments can be hurt and lonesome," he says quietly.

Jim goes quiet for a bit, just letting his mind drift, but then he eventually focuses back around on one thought: "I miss the old you. I liked it when you shared your thoughts with me and smiled sometimes and didn't seem all...haughty."

"All of which applies to this moment?" Khan questions, pushing Jim's tunic over his head, seeing if he'll accept that action.

"Yeah." Jim lifts his arms to let Khan take his shirt off. He's feeling a little warm all over, anyway.

Khan tugs Jim to press their torsos together, skin to skin. A noise of pleasure escapes him, even as he moves to kiss his lover's cheeks and nose, before tasting his lips once and then twice. "I like having you in my arms," he murmurs.

"I miss having you in mine," Jim admits, lifting his hand to cup the back of Khan's neck and tug him in for another kiss, longer and lingering. 

Khan answers the kiss, showing Jim some of the skills 'John' did not possess. He rolls them back on the bed and tangles them even more firmly together. He longs to feel at least once more the strength and softness of the man in his arms. 

Jim has to acknowledge to himself that this new, dominant side to John is pretty fucking hot. He shares the lingering taste of bourbon with the Augment, tongues warring as Jim presses down on top of him.

Khan wishes Jim had not come to him stinking of liquor, but accepts what he is offered. He nibbles at the curve of his neck and then sucks at the join of neck and shoulder, enjoying the scent and flavor. His hands roam over bare back and then down over the curve of his ass.

Though, if Jim hadn't come here stinking of liquor, the blond never would have had the courage or forgiveness to come knocking on Khan's door. He also definitely wouldn't be grinding his hips against Khan's in a distinctly hungry manner. "I missed this, too."

Khan rolls them again, so they are both on their sides, and holds him easily, pressed close. "Jim, is it merely sex you wish?"

The young captain snorts, apparently finding the question a little ridiculous. "If I just wanted sex from you, I'd have pestered you for it a lot more than I did, you moron." 

"What do you wish from me in this moment, Jim?" Khan asks, not sure that actually answered his question.

"I want you back." Jim frowns a little, wondering why Khan doesn't seem to understand. 

"You have never lost me, Jim, if you truly want who I am...if you want Khan, with all his flaws," Khan says softly and nibbles at his shoulder.

"I want that guy who gave a shit and felt like the real deal and was trustworthy and always had my back," Jim whispers, burying his face against Khan's shoulder.

"I care a great deal about you," Khan says. "I do not know how to feel like the real deal. I will endeavor to tell you all the truth I can. And I can be counted on to take care of you." He recounts each of these points emphatically and waits.

Jim trembles a little, uncertain and scared to fall into the same trap again, though he desperately wants to believe Khan. "Show me." He's a believer in actions, so maybe... maybe this time, he'll believe him.

"I would and I will, if you give me the time to do so," Khan says softly, darting kisses up the side of James' cheek and then biting softly at his earlobe.

Jim finally groans quietly in response to those incessant nibbles and he tips his neck to let Khan's mouth have free reign. "Show me," he repeats, more insistent.

Khan nods and puts a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder, urging him to stay down. He moves to suckle at his nipples, one and then the other, soft and insistent. He draws each into a tender peak and then brings Jim as much pleasure as each can manage without tipping into pain.

The blond gasps under the pleasurable assault and then he dissolves into quiet, needy moans. He never knew he could get so turned on by someone sucking his nipples like that, but it's a pleasant surprise. "Nn, that feels good." 

Khan smiles and strokes Jim's sides with skilled fingers, knowing just how to touch and caress. His mouth adds to the building sensations, as he tries to show Jim that he knows how to take care of him, at least as a lover.

The young captain isn't used to being tended to like this. In all of his interactions with lovers, including John, he'd been the dominant one, giving all the pleasure and then taking it for himself. This is so different that he barely knows what to do with himself, so he touches Khan wherever he can, sliding his hands up the Augment's toned arms to his shoulders and squeezing. 

"Is this something you like, James?" Khan purrs, nuzzling a tender abdomen. "Is there anything you want more of?" He turns his head to press a cheek into his groin.

There's a quiet grunt in response and Jim's hips lift up to greet him. "More nakedness. Too many clothes," he manages.

Khan chuckles and just rubs his face even more into the firmness of Jim's erection through the cloth. "I like you this way," he purrs, but then sits up to gently remove the offending garments.

"Yeah...?" Jim queries, sounding uncertain or even shy. Despite everything that's happened, he wants Khan's approval in this -- needs it for this to work. He lifts his hips and wriggles them, shoving at his pants and boxers to help his lover get them off and then he toes them onto the floor. 

Khan purrs again in deep contentment at the sight of his lover, spread out and ready for him. He dips his head to lick a few times at the pretty cock, thick and long. But then he detours to explore each leg, especially the sensitive bits behind knees. He takes his time with each one, again showing care and even worship of Jim.

Jim whimpers (though he would deny it if sober) at those licks and does so even more loudly when they stop. He finds out why soon enough and his complaints cease in favor of quiet sounds of pleasure whenever Khan's mouth makes contact with his skin. "M-more..."

Khan spreads Jim's legs wide apart and takes him fully in his mouth, sucking lightly at the whole length. He sneaks one finger behind his cock to tease the area between full sack and ass, pressing into the sensitive spot over and over. But he makes sure not to suck or press enough to send Jim over the edge anytime soon.

Jim has to grapple onto the bed to keep from pushing up into Khan's throat and gagging him. His mouth has fallen open to make room for heavy panting and mewls audible only to Khan's ears. Jim thinks the man definitely learned what he likes even though Khan had been the one getting fucked. 

Khan pulls off and tugs Jim into a kiss, holding him up effortlessly with one strong arm. Only after he decimates mouth, does he urge his lover on his stomach. "Please," he murmurs.

Jim responds well to the display of strength, sucking in a breath and gasping. It's erotic having a lover that's not quite human and Khan's strength is a reminder of that. It makes the blond eager to comply, rolling over onto his belly and raising his ass up into the air, knees spread wide for balance. 

Khan accepts the raised ass with murmured words of praise and gently parts the cheeks to look at the small rink of muscle. And then he puts his tongue right up against that musky, pink area and vibrates. His free hand slides around Jim's cock to milk him in time with the playful tongue.

Jim presses back against that tongue, making absolutely sinful noises, It sends electric shocks up his spine, both because of how damn kinky that is, but also because of the fact that this is so new to him. He buries his face in the pillows and thrusts forward into Khan's hand, trying to keep himself quiet while he fucks the tight tunnel formed by his fingers. 

"There is no need to stifle yourself," Khan says soothingly, pulling away from the devilish licking. "I wish to hear you." He moves ever so carefully to reach out for the nightstand, with the hand not still jacking Jim's leaking cock, and pulls out a long vial. This he opens with his teeth and then pours a small amount on the glistening opening of Jim's body, causing an instant, warm tingling that spreads inside of him.

The blond lifts his head enough to moan, clenching his ass at the new sensation, almost like a warm, wet cloth or a heated vibrator. It's good and he shakes his ass from side to side, silently demanding more simply because words are hard. 

Khan slides a finger in without warning, since the slick makes it both easy and intense. He knows from experience that the oil will light up Jim from the inside, making his entire insides aflame with the need for more. So, he gives him that more, twisting his finger in circles and stretching him open, which also serves to just let more of the oil in deeper and intensify the sensations.

"Oh, God," Jim cries, thrusting back onto Khan's finger and fucking himself on it. It does feel good. Amazingly good. It's a sensation that works its way all the way up his spine and down into his limbs, right out to the tip of his toes. It warms him up from the inside out and makes his cock ache. "Please," he whines. "Please don't tease."

Khan slides in a second and third fingers in rapid succession, picking up the pace, width and depth of his strokes. His fingers now also angled to press into Jim's prostate and spread the oil even more there. He works with his other hand to bring his lover to climax, wanting to make this the best Jim's ever felt...at least in a long time.

Jim is nearly completely gone. His prostate is sparking like fireworks and every push of Khan's fingers into him stretches that over-sensitized muscle and makes him shudder. What he does know, though, is that he doesn't want to come like this. "I want you inside me," he pleads. "Please fuck me!"

Khan pauses and removes both hands, smoothing them over Jim's sides. "You are sure?" he checks, reaching for the same vial. "Please. I do not wish you to regret this."

The blond wiggles his ass in the air temptingly, twisting enough to look back at him. "I want this. I'm so hard, my balls hurt, but I want this to work. I want to be close to you."

"I will take you at your word, James," Khan murmurs and works off his pants, quick and neat. He pours most of the rest of the vial into James' slightly gaping hole, but saves a little for his own erection. "On your back?"

"Fuck, I don't care. Any way," the blond replies, but he still rolls himself over and sprawls out on the bed on his back, legs spread. He fondles himself, wanting the constant touch without pushing himself over. 

Khan knows how close and desperate Jim must be by now, but takes the extra time to make sure he lines himself up properly. He looks into Jim's eyes and breaches his lovely ass carefully, taking great care not to hurt. "You must tell me if you're in pain."

"I will," Jim promises in between moans and then cries out at the stretch. It's been so long since he's last been taken. Years, in fact. It's a good thing Khan prepared him, and Jim is grateful for it, but it's still a foreign sensation and it lights all his nerves on fire. 

Khan pauses at the cry and waits for Jim's body to be ready again. "Are you well?" he asks, taking his cock in hand to make sure pleasure continues to outweigh pain.

Jim nods, quick and fast, already pushing himself further down onto Khan's shaft. "Yes." Regardless of the alcohol still in his system, he's so aroused that his skin has flushed a deep shade of pink and his eyes have glazed over. 

Khan growls, the sound low and dangerous, and then grabs Jim around the waist. He presses all the way inside and before either of them can catch a breath, pulls out and then rams back in again.

The force of it nearly slides Jim across the bed, but the blond grapples onto Khan and fixes them together. He groans, loving that force, and he begs for more as he clamps down around his lover. He's okay with being sore in the morning.

"James," Khan says once, deep in his throat, and then begins to nail his lover to the bed. His hips move with a force and speed that would soon tire a non-augment. But he holds James tight to ensure he does not thrash around and keeps enough control to ensure the thrusts do not cause damage.

It's almost too much for Jim. Almost. It's on that fine line between pleasure and pain and for someone like Jim, who pushes the envelope on everything, it's absolutely perfect. His moans get louder every time Khan pounds back into him, dragging him closer and closer to the edge. "Khan!" he moans, making sure he's got the name right, and then he says it over and over again, a pleasured mantra. 

"James," Khan answers right back, pleased by the sound of his name. He thumbs over the head of James' cock and rumbles, "Come for me, love. Please."

Khan doesn't even have to say please. That last touch is all Jim needs to crash over, cock pulsing out semen onto his own belly as he cries out and desperately rocks against Khan to stimulate his prostate and milk himself dry. "Fuck!"

James' enthusiasm carries Khan with him, as he spills an ungainly load into a willing body. Some leaks out around his cock, even as he keeps thrusting to meet James' on movements. "Mine!" he cries at the pinnacle and sinks his teeth into James' neck in a bite of claim.

That earns a groan, both of discomfort and satiation. Jim's balls are empty, and his ass will ache come morning, but he feels good for the first time in a while, so he wraps around Khan as much as he can and breathes deep. 

Khan shifts himself out of James' body and moves so that he supports his lover in his arms and with his strength. He pets and strokes the other man, nonsense falling from his lips into James' ears. For the moment, he knows contentment and greedily hoards the feeling.

Jim has been completely deboned. He lays limp in Khan's arms, eyes closed and breaths deepening with each one he takes. He's going to fall asleep right here, fucked senseless and tucked in Khan's arms, and he's okay with that. 

Khan purrs in his chest, the sound contented and deep. He may not get to keep James, but at least he got this moment between them. He presses a kiss to the curve of his right ear and then nuzzles closer. "Sleep, James."

All Khan gets in response is a sleepy mumble. Jim's well on his way to doing just that and already has the beginnings of his telltale snoring. 

Khan snorts, remembering well those rumbles, and moves so that James is positioned (oddly) in a way that stops the sound. He curls himself around James as best he fits with James in pretzel mode and shuts his eyes for his own sleep.  
~~~~~~~~~

By the time morning rolls around, Jim is wrapped around Khan as tight as a vice. It's his patented Jim Kirk Death Grip again and it only loosens when he starts to come back to consciousness. He grunts quietly, registering the pain in his ass first and then the shape next to him second. 

He actually smiles a little. 

Khan knows the instant James wakes, as his breathing changes subtly. He slept for a long time for an augment, a need from his grief at losing his people layered on his joy of being with James. Still, he woke before James and enjoyed over an hour of just holding him. He nibbles at James' ear as the man wakes, whispering, "Good morning."

"G'm'r'n," the blond mumbles, the word barely coherent. He takes in a deep breath, not quite a yawn, and stretches his legs, though that soon causes another sharp inhalation. Okay, stretching is not good. 

"You are sore," Khan observes and then releases him, standing up to go to the replicator. He returns with another small vial and says, "I have something that will help, if you allow."

"A little," Jim concedes as he watches Khan return with the vial. "What's that?"

"Something to ease the hurt and rawness," Khan says softly. "If I may apply it inside you. I promise to be swift and tender."

Jim looks at the vial for a moment before he rolls onto his belly and wiggles his fingers to gesture Khan closer. 

Khan smiles and eases to sit beside James, setting the vial beside him. He starts by rubbing smooth circles into his back, where he knows there will be some stiffness and moves toward the cheeks, taking them each in a hand to rub and smooth.

"Oh. Free massage. I like this," Jim groans. Those wonderfully strong hands are experts at working the stiffness out of his muscles and warming them up. "Keep that up and I might not ever leave." 

"Don't tempt me," Khan says lightly and eases the cheeks apart to look at James' entrance. He frowns a little at the somewhat ragged appearance and opens the new vial. "This will cool and soothe, where the other inflamed."

"Just make sure I'm not bleeding, or anything. Bones will kill me if I have to get him to fix my ass. I don't wanna get murdered this early in the morning," the blond whines. 

"Oh hush, you are not so badly off," Khan says with a light kiss to James' raised rear. He pours some of the soothing liquid directly on to the little raw patch and says, "How does that feel?"

The blond sucks in a breath, but then lets it out again. "Cold." A shiver runs up his spine to prove it. 

Khan blows over the liquid, which sends a pulse of soothing chill over the abraided areas. And then he uses a finger to tenderly spread it inside of James, everywhere he may be feel a bit well used.

Jim lays still, at first because of discomfort, but as that liquid begins to numb some of the soreness, he wriggles a little, testing out his body to see how it moves. 

Khan finishes his soothing inside and resumes the tender caresses on the outside, easing muscles with hands that are warm and strong. "Feeling a little better?"

Jim nods a little from where he's got his head pillowed on his arms. "Can you rub my lower back?" He's definitely going to make the most of this while he can.

Khan applies his hands to work their magic on James' lower back and then moves to encompass all of his back, steadily moving to reduce him to a relaxed heap. "Touch is very important to me," he says slowly.

Jim's very happy with this attention. He soaks it up, going more and more limp the more Khan massages him. "You say that like I'm not the same way," he murmurs. 

"That is not what I meant to imply," Khan assures. "Merely that I am grateful to be allowed this honor. You are a most generous lover, James. And a most skilled one."

"I'm pretty sure you did all the work last night." The blond lets out a contented sigh and arches a little into Khan's touch. His back is practically starting to feel normal now. 

"You are out of alignment," Khan says. "May I repair that?"

"Oh, God. Please do."

Khan chuckles and sets James just so. "Trust me," he murmurs, placing his hands carefully. And with an effortless twist, he snaps his whole spine back in place.

There's a long line of noises that come out of Jim, some startled, some relieved, others impressed. He didn't know his back could make that many loud noises without getting snapped in two. "Holy fuck."

"Indeed," Khan says. "How you walk around with such an unholy wreck of a spine is a medical marvel."

"It's called 'high pain tolerance,'" Jim counters, still groaning quietly as things settle into their new, correct positions. 

Khan laughs softly and traces a hand down the area. "Well, now perhaps it will feel better for awhile. Until you manage to twist yourself up again."

"Maybe..." Jim bites at his lip and turns enough to look at Khan. "Maybe you could just fix it again if that happens?"

Khan looks at him through the frill of his bangs, hope in his eyes. "I would be more than delighted...James. Do you mean you might stay?"

The blond licks at his lip and nods a little. "I was thinking about it, yeah..." 

Khan smiles and says, "That is more than I hoped, after all that has passed between us."

Jim squirms, trying to figure out how to word his thoughts. They're still a little chaotic and fuzzy, but he knows the gist of them. "Last night, I realized that there's still some John in you, and that maybe the stuff that's changed isn't all bad. I want to believe you when you say you're going to tell me the truth and be dependable. There's only one way to find out, right?"

"Time and actions," Khan agrees with a nod. "And I will abide by your rules, James. I was bred to be superior, but it has been a long time since I felt myself so. If anything...I am sullied."

"We're all sullied, Khan. The Empire's made a mess of everyone's lives." Jim shrugs a little and then gestures for Khan to lend him a hand. "And now to completely ruin the mood, I really have to piss. Help me up." 

Khan laughs and pulls James up easily. "You are always you, no matter the situation," he teases. "I remember you dashing away before and not even bothering to shut the door as you took care of your bladder...and worse."

"Gotta go when you gotta go. No sense in holding it in." Jim flexes his spine and it somehow feels like he has new nerve endings. He toddles off to the bathroom and, no, he doesn't bother to shut the door this time, either. "I haven't got anything you haven't seen before," he teases back. 

"In great detail," Khan agrees, "but I never was one for golden showers." He makes the bed, the instinct for tidiness engrained in his bones.

"That's only if you're the toilet." Jim finishes up with emptying his bladder and then washes his hands and face, borrowing Khan's sonic toothbrush, too. He doesn't think the man will mind. 

"As I said, not something I cared for," Khan says, watching him with quiet amusement. "Though  
I suppose my toothbrush is for sharing."

"If you couldn't even share your toothbrush with me after sticking your tongue down my throat, we'd have issues," Jim murmurs around the device as he glances over at the Augment. 

Khan just flashes his teeth in a smile and goes past James to take a quick sonic shower, sighing as his skin cleans. "You should shower, too, and then we can get a meal, if you do not mind joining me."

"Have you got a water shower?" Jim asks, eyeballing the stall. 

"Even for this ship, such luxuries are uncommon, but the option is available," Khan says, stepping out.

"Then yes, I'll have a shower and join you for breakfast," Jim agrees amicably and promptly hops into the shower. It takes a moment of fiddling with the controls before there's an ungainly squeal. "COLD!!!" 

Khan just smiles and goes back into the main room to dress. He chooses a very simple outfit with some blue to soften his appearance. He wants the rest of James' crew to think at least not badly of him.

Jim takes a little longer in the shower than he normally might. He hasn't had a water shower in years, and he's taking the opportunity to enjoy it now. It feels so good to have hot water beating down on his skin and getting him clean that there's singing coming from that stall before Jim finally shuts off the water and grabs a towel to wrap around his waist. 

"You are dawdling," Khan calls to him, amused by his companion's behavior. "Though I cannot blame you...the water is lovely."

Jim promptly comes over and rubs himself all up against Khan. "You should have waited, and we could shower together."

Khan makes a noise of protest and playfully urges James away. "Had I realized you wished to play, we well might have," he agrees. "Next time?"

"Mm'kay. Next time." The blond goes to find his clothes and squirms back into them, though he does have to wonder how his sock got under the bed. "I'm so insanely hungry right now."

"You burned off enough calories," Khan teases and goes to kiss his shoulder and neck softly. "Wil you tell your crew of us?"

"Yeah. They're gonna need some warning so they can make their own decisions." Jim pauses and then scrunches his nose. "I'm gonna have to tell that Spock guy, too." 

"Ah, now that I will enjoy," Khan says with a little smile of mirth. "Though, truthfully, as Vulcans go, he is rather easy to deal with."

"Is he? I don't know much about them." Jim rubs through his wet hair to try to style it before it dries fully. "It's kinda too bad he won't be getting a full second crew like he wanted."

"All of them are stiff and completely logical, but you will discover that Mr. Spock carries a trace of humor around with him," Khan says. "So small you wonder at times if you ever saw it at all, but then it will reappear to surprise you. He would be a good ally."

The young captain smiles a little and smooths down the front of his shirt. "He sounds like he'd make interesting dinner conversation." 

"Very logical and to the point," Khan agrees, "though he is almost as ridiculously well versed in any number of subjects as I."

"Oh, God. He's your mental fuckbuddy," Jim groans in sudden understanding, but then he laughs. "I don't want to hear about your sexcapades."

"The idea is bone-chilling," Khan says with a wrinkled nose. "And our conversations have been rather on the chilly side, come to admit. Whatever my actions, to them I shall always be an augment."

"Vulcans have always been a little xenophobic, though, haven't they?" Jim reaches out to tug at Khan's arm, trying to get him to come along. He's starting to think he'll starve to death before they get to food. 

Khan follows easily, amused by the sudden interest in getting some food. "They have branched out since their decision to challenge the Empire," he says. "They are inherently suspicious, which has served them well."

"So... wait. Is Vulcan still a free planet, or is it Imperial now, too?" Given its proximity to Earth, Jim thinks it's probably been taken over. 

"Vulcan remains free," Khan says. "Though the battle rages on, the Empire has found it more prudent to look elsewhere. Still. there are many Vulcans who have decided it is logical to join the rebels to completely overthrow the Empire, instead of going it alone."

"Guess they figured out they can't do everything on their own. What about the other planets?" Earth really had been the headquarters of the Federation and now that it's been completely subdued, what's become of the UFP? Jim has so many questions about that, and it's only just now all occurring to him. He's been living without this information for years and he'd just learned to get by with what was put in front of him. 

"Those that remain will mostly likely find their way into rebel factions," Khan says quietly. "My estimation is that the rebel cause is essentially the UFP in action, not as it was meant to be, but as it was forced to become. When you win, perhaps the exploration and science that were to have been the UFP's main principles can come to the forefront."

"'You'?" Jim asks. "Why not 'we'?" Aaaand that's when he realizes he doesn't know where the main mess hall is and he's leading them to that smaller one Khan took him to before. Whoops. Oh well. 

Khan smiles wider at the sight and asks, "Do you wish to go to the main Mess? I can make you some breakfast here."

"Um." Jim looks around at the corridors as if there will be signs telling him where to go. "No, here is good. Can you make waffles?"

"I may be able to," Khan says, "provided you do not mind that the eggs and milk are not strictly Terran."

"That's okay. I'm flexible. At least it'll have flavor, right?" On the Enterprise, all they had was whatever shitty slop their abused replicator could churn out. Flavor wasn't so much an option. 

"Yes, I do cook well," Khan says and enters the mess, heading for the storage of the Vengeance's food supplies. "With a small crew, this food should last a long time."

"How small are you thinking?" Jim doesn't actually know how many will come with him. ...Other than Bones, even if the doctor will probably be pissed off about it. 

"Your whole crew, should they choose to travel with us," Khan says, carefully assembling what he needs to make a form of Belgian waffle. "I would like that."

"I know there's a few of them who won't come. They'll want to get married and start families or just... you know, live without the fear of getting blown up every day." Jim plunks himself down on a padded chair and sets his elbow on the table, chin coming to rest on his hand. "I want that for them."

"Of course," Khan says, stirring up his batter expertly. "I am certain they will find a place for such things. But for those who wish to stay, a delighted welcome they will be to me."

Jim ponders on that for a few minutes and then he makes a thoughtful noise. "You should take up one of the cubicles with us." Which is what they've started calling those little, temporary rooms they were set up with. "You used to sleep with us before. You distanced yourself when you came on here and put up a barrier. If you want to work with them, you're going to have to be one of them again." 

"You do not think they would prefer to choose quarters of their own, were they to stay? Even now, for these last days before the rebels accept you?" Khan asks.

The blond shakes his head without pause, knowing the answer already. "No, I really think that until we're officially shipped off again, they'd want to stay right where they are. That's how we've been for so long that it's hard to just space out and get used to the quiet of a single, insulated room. I probably wouldn't sleep in your room if you weren't right there." 

"I have no objections to taking a room in the Cargo Bay, if they will not be upset to have me with them," Khan says slowly, jury-rigging a waffle iron.

"It'll send a positive message. Right now, you're just some guy on his high horse that lords over them with his superior genes and technology. You have to be one of them again," Jim asserts as he watches Khan, brows furrowed. "Do you have strawberries?"

"Is that how you still see me as well?" Khan asks, hurt and not hiding it. He fetches something akin to strawberries and says, "I would prefer if there was some easy way to test if you might be allergic to this...well, to the whole meal."

"No. Not as of last night, anyway," Jim admits and then he makes a gesture at Khan. "Dip a spoon in the batter and I'll lick it a little. If I don't die by the time they're cooked, then I'm not allergic." 

"That is hardly reassuring," Khan says. "However, I do have something to hand which will prevent death." He sets the bowl of bright purple fruit in front of James. "These taste like strawberries."

Jim looks down at them and chews at his lower lip. "They're not related to blueberries in any way, are they?"

"They are not related to anything grown on Earth," Khan says. "These are from an uninhabited planet in the middle of the Empire."

"Well," Jim takes a breath and grins. "Bottom's up, then." He plucks up one of the goodies and pops it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. It does taste remarkably like strawberries, though juicier. Then again, that's provided Jim's memory of strawberries is still accurate. 

Khan fetches a hypospray he always carries with him since James and he became lovers on Earth and holds it up to show him. "I never stopped carrying it."

Jim doesn't swallow yet while he waits to see if his tongue starts swelling, but he does smile at Khan, the corners of his eyes crinkling. It makes him happy to see that the Augment still cares. 

Khan leans in and kisses that smile lightly. "You are always in my thoughts, even when I did not wish for you to be."

The blond finally swallows the potentially dangerous fruit and he reaches up to grab the collar of Khan's shirt and tug him down for one more smooch. "Can't get rid of me that easily, apparently."

"No, you are a rather powerful force to be reckoned with," Khan admits and then pulls away to test his waffle iron. "However, I am saddened to hear the others think so little of me. It was inevitable, I suppose, but I will do my best to become a bit higher in their graces.

Jim doesn't comment on that. He's made his opinion of Khan's earlier actions clear and knows his crew feel the same way, so there's no point in saying it all again. "It's not beyond fixing." 

Khan glances at him and then finishes the waffle. It doesn't look quite right, but seems to have cooked properly. He sets it on a plate in front of James. "I hope this tastes well."

"I haven't died, so everything beyond that is a bonus, in my book," Jim quips as he looks at the slightly mangled waffle on his plate. He doesn't care about appearances, though. He just cuts some of those not-strawberries in half and sprinkles them on the waffle and then cuts off a corner and pops it into his mouth. The noises his makes are definite approval. This has so, so much more flavor than the near-gruel he's used to that it's like an orgasm on his tongue. 

Khan smiles a little at the response and then makes himself a less fancy breakfast, something more of bran and a little milk substance and some sprinkled brown sugar. "There is more batter if you would care for another."

"Yeah!" Jim says around another mouthful. He doesn't even need syrup on these. After his bland diet, even fruit is exceptionally sweet. 

Khan laughs softly and says, "Sometime, I will make the dessert I planned before. That will appeal to your tastebuds, I believe."

"What was it?" Jim asks, curious. He does feel a little bad that things got so completely ruined before. 

"No, I shall surprise you," Khan says with a slight smile. "You know, there may be something you can use for syrup in here. I am not certain."

Jim laughs a little. "If I do that, I'll be overloaded on sugar and end up being sick. Gotta get used to having actual food now." 

"Very well," Khan says with a nod. "That is uncommonly wise of you."

"I'm already going to have to explain a limp to Bones later. I don't want to have to add vomiting due to gluttony onto that." 

Khan says, "You're not limping so very much, though you tend toward the melodramatic." He shakes his head in quiet amusement at his lover.

"That's because somebody numbed my ass with magic," Jim replies, lifting his eyebrows. "What happens when the spell wears off?"

"Magic?" Khan asks with a faint snort, dropping a few fruits on his own breakfast. "It is not magical and will not wear off for hours."

Jim makes a humming noise. "Then I may very well escape certain death yet again."

"You do Dr. McCoy a disservice with such talk," Khan says with quiet amusement.

The blond snorts and swallows his bite. "You never had to deal with his wrath, 'cause you had secret superpowers." 

"He certainly spoke with some force to John at times," Khan says quietly, "but I believe he did hold some vitriol back." He finishes his bran.

"Probably because he thought you were a shy, quiet, well-intentioned kid." 

"At least I was not an infant," Khan says, teasing James with one of Bones' favorite nicknames for him.

That gets an eyeroll in response, but Jim smiles, too. "Lucky you." 

"Shall we join them now?" Khan asks. "They must be anxious for news of you."

Sure. Thanks for breakfast. It was really good." Jim licks his finger and rubs it on his plate to pick up the last of the crumbs, which he promptly eats. "Mm." 

Khan laughs and says, "I think you might eat the Vengeance out of food despite her stores." He thumbs a crumb off his James' lower lip and then licks it off his own finger playfully. 

"I gotta put some weight back on," the blond replies defensively, though he smiles a little. He stands up and collects his plate, trying to figure out where to put it. 

"You are a bit thin around the edges," Khan agrees and wraps his arms around his lover, leaning in to kiss him sweetly and glad for it. He rubs his back with a gentle hand and keeps kissing his lover, hoping it will continue to be welcome. 

It is welcome. If Khan really does still have that softer, sweeter side in him, Jim wants to lure it out and has already decided to give it the old Kirk try. So, he tenderly licks at the Augment's lower lip and coaxes him into a deeper kiss, tasting of waffles and strawberries. 

Khan accepts the invitation, both exploring James' mouth and accepting his own tongue in turn. He seldom took lovers in the past, but his instincts were to be tender and caring toward his family, in whom he included James. He parts their mouths for a breath, but keeps close enough to mingle their breaths. 

Jim's eyes are half-closed, and he's a little flushed, but he doesn't push things further. He just brushes his fingers against Khan's and then pulls away. "I was trying to be good and clean up and look what happened."

"You were even better," Khan says with a smile. "Now, we can both clean up together." He begins to collect up their dishes. 

"Your version of 'cooperation' is a little left of standard," the captain remarks with a smirk, but he gets whatever utensils and cups are left behind and brings them back to the kitchen. 

Khan glances at him, uncertain if that is a good comment or not. He makes sure the recycler gets everything and then turns back to James. "I am as ready as I shall ever be." 

Jim gives him a reassuring smile and then heads for the door, gesturing for Khan to come along. "We'll set you up a room together...unless you want to stay in mine. They're pretty tiny, though." Then again, it would only be for a little while. 

"I would like to stay with you, if you would not mind sharing," Khan says. "I do not have much but myself to bring to take up space. And I will cling tightly to you in bed, given my way, if only to keep you from snoring."

"I don't snore. What are you talking about?" Jim asks, feigning confusion, but he can't hide his grin as he heads for the turbolift. 

Khan enjoys the grin and the lie, before following him into the turbolift. He gently tugs him into a hug James' back to his front. "I'll never let you go again, James, if I can help it. Nor give you cause for you to wish me to." 

"You'd better not." Jim tips his head back enough to look over at him. "I won't forgive you twice." It's a fair warning. Jim's willing to wipe the slate clean, but there's no second chances after that kind of a lie. 

Khan makes a face and says, "I am not sure rubbing my nose in it, however, is very kind." He steps away from James, releasing him with a little frown.

"I'm not. That's the last time I'll say it." At least now Khan's had ample warning, and Jim can have some kind of peace of mind. He steps off when the lift gets to the cargo bay and he looks back at the Augment. "You coming?"

"Yes, I am coming," Khan says softly, relieved and upset by turns. James really did think he might march off at any moment or turn and rend him. "Nay cast your pearls before swine," he murmurs. 

"What was that?" Jim asks, turning to face him again, head cocked to the side. "Did you say something?"

"It's an old Terran quote," Khan says. "I think perhaps you worry that you are doing just that. 'Nay cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn again and rend you.'" 

Jim thinks that's sort of how things turned out, though they're trying to fix it, so he just shrugs a little. "You're not swine, and you can cut a hell of a lot deeper." 

Khan nods once in acceptance of that and continues to walk a step behind his lover. They enter the Cargo Bay, and Khan pauses a moment. "Shall you speak first to them?"

"No. Just act normal, like we used to back on the Enterprise. Most of the message is gonna come from body language." Having said that, Jim reaches out to loosely lock their fingers together before he starts forward again. 

Khan does not comment that his behavior there was hardly for himself normal, understanding what James means. He curls his fingers around his lover's, savoring the touch, and follows him deeper into the Cargo Bay.

Bones approaches immediately. "There you are," he tells Jim with a grumpy expression. "I should have known."

Jim raises his eyebrows at his friend, trying to look as innocent and casual as possible. "What? There was stuff that needed discussing."

"And what got decided?" Bones asks, as other members of the crew drift forward. "There are still some folks watching over the ship, you know, It'd be nice to have some semblance of order."

Khan clears his throat and says, "While we await word from the Vulcans, Captain Kirk will be in charge of the Vengeance."

Jim nods and looks around at the group that's forming. "The Augments have been transferred off to their colony. It's just us on this ship right now, and the Vulcans are doing background checks on all of us to make sure we're not spies.

"Obviously, we're all going to pass. Beyond that, it's your choice where you want to go and what you want to do. I've asked the Vulcans to honor your decisions. I'm going to stay here on the Vengeance and keep working to fight the Empire."

That draws some startled murmurs out of the crew, but they quiet down soon enough when Jim raises his hand. "You've got a little while to figure out what you want to do. I'm not asking anything more of any of you. If you stay, then I'll welcome your company. If you choose to go start a life, then I absolutely wish you the best. Regardless, it's been an honor having known all of you. Good night, gentlemen -- and ladies. Sleep well." Then, Jim takes Khan's hand and continues calmly towards his quarters.  
~~~~~~~~~ 

Khan takes the captain's seat and spends a moment surveying his crew. Of Jim's remaining people, some eleven had chosen to go with him, including his close friends McCoy, Uhura and Scott. And amazingly, after a few interactions with the brilliant and lovely Uhura, the half-Vulcan, Spock, had also chosen to accompany them. With this assembly, Khan felt less like he was about to fly off to fight endlessly against the Empire. They could make an impact and return for more than just the occasional visit. He may even see his family again. 

Jim's sitting in the helmsman's seat. He likes it here. Piloting thsi ship is actually fairly fun, when it's not just all automated, and with a group of them on the bridge, it sort of feels like home again. 

They're sailing back into Empire space, but that's okay. They're together and they'll protect each other and they'll give the Empire back some of the hell they'd inflicted on the Enterprise and her crew. They'll avenge the ones they lost and honor the ones who've moved on. 

Jim thinks it's a fitting end. If he has to die, he'd rather do it out in space, out among the stars, where he's making a difference.  
`````

That evening, Jim settles his people into their new quarters. No longer do they have to be cramped in their tiny rooms in the cargo bay. It's a good change, actually. They all seem to be excited. They're few, but they're spirited, and Jim thinks that makes all the difference.

His room is in Khan's quarters now. It's not like he has any belongings to clutter things, so it's just himself that he moves in there, sliding up against his lover's form in the bed, naked after a hot shower. "I finally really believe that everything's going to be okay," he says, both to himself and to the Augment. 

Khan turns to meet him and wraps an arm around his waist. "As do I, James," he confesses, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "The presence of Mr. Spock on this mission leads me to believe that we may not be doomed as once I supposed. Of course, we have Ms. Uhura to thank for that." He flashes one of his rare smiles, one that makes him look a little more like John. "And with time, I think our ranks will expand. There are many people waiting for someone to free them from the shackles of the Empire. Perhaps we will find others of Starfleet."

Jim nods and settles his chin on Khan's chest to look up at him, smiling right back. "I think so, too. We're not going to be the only ones willing to take a stand, and if we show people that we can fight back, then they'll be willing to join the crew." 

And if nothing else, we can remove them back to freedom with the rebels," Khan says. "Of whom I suppose I am now one, so perhaps we should find a new name for ourselves." He rubs James' back with tender hands and says, "But for the first time, I like the name of this ship...it is appropriate."

Jim's eyes crinkle, and he scoots up just enough to give Khan a slow, tender kiss. "It's fitting now, yes. And I'd like to think we're still part of Starfleet and the Federation. Maybe not the same as we were before, but no less in spirit. We're fighting back against those who would oppress us and harm the weak. If that shouldn't be the core values of Starfleet, then I don't know what should." 

"The Federation Starship Vengeance," Khan says and nods. "I approve of the sound of that, James. And I would gladly follow the banner, wherever it may lead us." He presses another kiss to the bow lips in front of him and then says, "At least our first mission is a straightforward one. A rescue mission to the edge of the Empire, which shall be a good way to learn ourselves as a crew."

"And to earn ourselves a crew, too," Jim adds, already eager for the trip. "Are they sure it was Pike who sent that distress signal?"

"Certain enough to send us after the signal on our first trip out," Khan says. "But I would not get too excited yet, James. Hold on to your hope, without letting it become so much that its loss might do you serious harm."

Jim shakes his head and gives Khan a cocky smile. "I'm all-or-nothing. Even if that's not Pike, I'm gonna find him and rescue him, wherever he is." 

"Of course," Khan says. "We will leave nobody behind. If that be a person in need, then we shall help them. This I also swear." 

Jim gives him another sweet kiss, and then after a moment, he smirks. "I'm in need all the time. Help me?"

"And what are you in need of, James?" Khan asks, eyes heavy lidded and warm.

"You," the blond replies and pulls him into a kiss, content with his choice for the future. They would make this work.


End file.
